University of Tennessee Recruiting Advantages

[Augielio]

Tennessee high schools have a good crop of high school football recruits this year, and the competition for signees is going to be fierce. The University of Tennessee has certain advantages which they plan to emphasize:

 

 

 

1. Orange and white memorabilia collected can be used in Halloween costumes for years to come. (It's desirability in deer hunting is obvious.)

2. Lowest cuspidor-to-student ratio of any college south of Blacksburg, VA.

3. Inexpensive off-campus housing at Knox County Jail.

4. Coeds with the thickest calves in U.S.

5. Best term-paper writing staff in SEC.

6. Only school with fight song that mentions "moonshine still."

7. Chance to win the prestigious Albert Haynesworth Sportsmanship Trophy.

8. "Body Farm" nearby convenient receptacle for unclaimed Neyland Stadium drunks.

9. Years supply of Skoal for those who make Dean's List. (Male listees receive beef jerky instead.)

10. Fashion and Design Department offers courses in design of both WWF and NASCAR uniforms. Building Sciences Department offers courses in both outhouse and mobile home construction.

11. Convenient to the cultural delights of Pigeon Forge.

12. English instructors not bent out of shape by old-fashioned concepts such as spelling, grammar and punctuation.

13. Chance to study Criminal Justice from both sides of the bars.

14. Chance to actually attend school with a guy named Jim Bob Cooter.

Edited October 17, 2006 by Augielio

[Bonestrojan]

Why would anyone want to go anywhere else????? :D

[Shep]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWW!!!

[salty]

Now that's funny.

[Bighurt]

Now I understand why Dyersburg has always been a hotbed of support for UT.

[shadow]

You forgot Phil Fulmer free coupons for Krispy Kreme donuts.

[@38320]

We we're considering Yale or Vandy or Tulane for our son, but now that you've made your case, it is UT all the way! At least it sounds like a place where my boy can fit in.

Edited October 17, 2006 by @38320

[VolunteerGeneral]

Tennessee high schools have a good crop of high school football recruits this year, and the competition for signees is going to be fierce. The University of Tennessee has certain advantages which they plan to emphasize:

1. Orange and white memorabilia collected can be used in Halloween costumes for years to come. (It's desirability in deer hunting is obvious.)

2. Lowest cuspidor-to-student ratio of any college south of Blacksburg, VA.

3. Inexpensive off-campus housing at Knox County Jail.

4. Coeds with the thickest calves in U.S.

5. Best term-paper writing staff in SEC.

6. Only school with fight song that mentions "moonshine still."

7. Chance to win the prestigious Albert Haynesworth Sportsmanship Trophy.

8. "Body Farm" nearby convenient receptacle for unclaimed Neyland Stadium drunks.

9. Years supply of Skoal for those who make Dean's List. (Male listees receive beef jerky instead.)

10. Fashion and Design Department offers courses in design of both WWF and NASCAR uniforms. Building Sciences Department offers courses in both outhouse and mobile home construction.

11. Convenient to the cultural delights of Pigeon Forge.

12. English instructors not bent out of shape by old-fashioned concepts such as spelling, grammar and punctuation.

13. Chance to study Criminal Justice from both sides of the bars.

14. Chance to actually attend school with a guy named Jim Bob Cooter.

 

You forgot #15....

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this is the best advantage of all

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15. UT doesn`t have fans like Augielio. They have the greatest fans on Earth!!

[kazam37]

You know every place has its own special appeal like for instance:

 

Miami U's Royal Rumble I! This is one helmet tossing, foot stomping shindig you don't want to miss! Participate and still get a full ride.

 

Virginia Tech's Vick Family Reunion! Mike puts you on the map......then Marcus.....oops.....puts you in Birdsvillle.

 

What about Ohio State! Home of the Marice Clarett National Rifle Association! Bullet-Proof Vests optional.

 

Southern Cal has excellent housing available, just ask Reggie or Matt or Dwayne.

 

Need a job? Oklahoma can get you one......without even showing up!

 

Cheerleader, but no teeth.........SEC West has the best opportunity right now.

 

We all are imperfect.....ride another train.....

[papatiger]

You forgot #15....

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this is the best advantage of all

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15. UT doesn`t have fans like Augielio. They have the greatest fans on Earth!!

Well said Volunteer!!!!! When people are jealous, they have to create something negative. Also, you might want to add a NO. 16

 

16. A chance to play for the national title in football every year.

 

You know every place has its own special appeal like for instance:

 

Miami U's Royal Rumble I! This is one helmet tossing, foot stomping shindig you don't want to miss! Participate and still get a full ride.

 

Virginia Tech's Vick Family Reunion! Mike puts you on the map......then Marcus.....oops.....puts you in Birdsvillle.

 

What about Ohio State! Home of the Marice Clarett National Rifle Association! Bullet-Proof Vests optional.

 

Southern Cal has excellent housing available, just ask Reggie or Matt or Dwayne.

 

Need a job? Oklahoma can get you one......without even showing up!

 

Cheerleader, but no teeth.........SEC West has the best opportunity right now.

 

We all are imperfect.....ride another train.....

 

Also, want to play on a perennial loser? Try Vandy

[Augielio]

16. A chance to play for the national title in football every year.

 

 

Yep, the Vols were right in the thick of that struggle last year. Kept you guys on the edges of your seats, I'll bet. All teams have a chance to play for it, don't they?

Edited October 17, 2006 by Augielio

[MO$$$$]

Tennessee high schools have a good crop of high school football recruits this year, and the competition for signees is going to be fierce. The University of Tennessee has certain advantages which they plan to emphasize:

1. Orange and white memorabilia collected can be used in Halloween costumes for years to come. (It's desirability in deer hunting is obvious.)

2. Lowest cuspidor-to-student ratio of any college south of Blacksburg, VA.

3. Inexpensive off-campus housing at Knox County Jail.

4. Coeds with the thickest calves in U.S.

5. Best term-paper writing staff in SEC.

6. Only school with fight song that mentions "moonshine still."

7. Chance to win the prestigious Albert Haynesworth Sportsmanship Trophy.

8. "Body Farm" nearby convenient receptacle for unclaimed Neyland Stadium drunks.

9. Years supply of Skoal for those who make Dean's List. (Male listees receive beef jerky instead.)

10. Fashion and Design Department offers courses in design of both WWF and NASCAR uniforms. Building Sciences Department offers courses in both outhouse and mobile home construction.

11. Convenient to the cultural delights of Pigeon Forge.

12. English instructors not bent out of shape by old-fashioned concepts such as spelling, grammar and punctuation.

13. Chance to study Criminal Justice from both sides of the bars.

14. Chance to actually attend school with a guy named Jim Bob Cooter.

 

Thats funny right there, especially being a Gator fan. I always pondered what Larry the cable guys last name was. Now I know its Augielio.