University of Tennessee Recruiting Advantages

[Trojan]

Tennessee high schools have a good crop of high school football recruits this year, and the competition for signees is going to be fierce. The University of Tennessee has certain advantages which they plan to emphasize:

1. Orange and white memorabilia collected can be used in Halloween costumes for years to come. (It's desirability in deer hunting is obvious.)

2. Lowest cuspidor-to-student ratio of any college south of Blacksburg, VA.

3. Inexpensive off-campus housing at Knox County Jail.

4. Coeds with the thickest calves in U.S.

5. Best term-paper writing staff in SEC.

6. Only school with fight song that mentions "moonshine still."

7. Chance to win the prestigious Albert Haynesworth Sportsmanship Trophy.

8. "Body Farm" nearby convenient receptacle for unclaimed Neyland Stadium drunks.

9. Years supply of Skoal for those who make Dean's List. (Male listees receive beef jerky instead.)

10. Fashion and Design Department offers courses in design of both WWF and NASCAR uniforms. Building Sciences Department offers courses in both outhouse and mobile home construction.

11. Convenient to the cultural delights of Pigeon Forge.

12. English instructors not bent out of shape by old-fashioned concepts such as spelling, grammar and punctuation.

13. Chance to study Criminal Justice from both sides of the bars.

14. Chance to actually attend school with a guy named Jim Bob Cooter.

 

 

I really thought you knew who killed Kennedy, until I saw this

[kazam37]

Actually Mo, your brother Larry is a Vol. I mean his wardrobe puts him right at home amongest us coon hunters and lumberjacks. I'm sure your really tickled about your boys "dominant" win over us this year. Leak looked sweet last week, by the way. Hey, you haters have to do something for a living.

Kaz

[MO$$$$]

Actually Mo, your brother Larry is a Vol. I mean his wardrobe puts him right at home amongest us coon hunters and lumberjacks. I'm sure your really tickled about your boys "dominant" win over us this year. Leak looked sweet last week, by the way. Hey, you haters have to do something for a living.

Kaz

 

 

I was tickled. As when the great Manning lost 5 in a row to the Gators. Cant say it was a lack of tallent. Its like this year out coached. How many points do you need to win a football game? See the Bears play the Cards last night? Sometimes you dont even need the offense to score to get a win. No Im not a bears fan. Just an example. Actually, Larry is a very good actor. He bought his wardrobe in Knoxville from the UT deans yardsale.

Edited October 17, 2006 by MO$$$$

[GreenMan]

Question..............every time a thread is started that doesnt have anything to do with "Football: Classes 1A-2A-3A" they get moved or closed immediately. Why is this one still going after 10+ posts?

[Augielio]

Question..............every time a thread is started that doesnt have anything to do with "Football: Classes 1A-2A-3A" they get moved or closed immediately. Why is this one still going after 10+ posts?

 

 

 

It's all a vast conspiracy against the Vols, involving Coach T, the Knoxville Police Department, the SEC, the University of Alabama (always those red elephants), the CIA, al-Qaida, and possibly some left-wing Democrats. They're keeping it going so that ridicule can be heaped on the innocent Pumpkin People.

 

I find some of our Little Volleys are very thin-skinned and sensitive about "their" university being held up to satire. Little Volleys can dish it out, but they don't take it very well when the barbs come back at them.

 

My apologies for posting this in the wrong place. I shall move over to the Southeastern Conference threads and test the sensitivity levels there.

Edited October 17, 2006 by Augielio

[Gerry Bertier]

What do the Fighting Irish and Marijuana have in common?

They both get smoked in a bowl.

 

What's the difference between the Notre Dame football team and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

 

Why wasn't Jesus born in South Bend?

They couldn't find Three Wise Men or a Virgin.

 

Why did O.J. hide in South Bend after killing his wife?

No one would ever think of looking for a football player there.

[Augielio]

What do the Fighting Irish and Marijuana have in common?

They both get smoked in a bowl.

 

What's the difference between the Notre Dame football team and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

 

Why wasn't Jesus born in South Bend?

They couldn't find Three Wise Men or a Virgin.

 

Why did O.J. hide in South Bend after killing his wife?

No one would ever think of looking for a football player there.

 

 

 

 

My goodness, Bertier, if you're going to attempt to do satire, come up with something original. Those college cliches have been around since the 1950's. They don't even refer to anything about Notre Dame, they could be applied to any college in the U. S. (and have been). Go back to the drawing board and come up with something worth reading.....so......GONG !!

 

Grading:

 

Effort--- A

 

Grammar--C - (too many words capitalized)

 

Originality--F

 

P. S. You Volleys should thank Notre Dame--for knocking Ainge out of the game in Knoxville. Had it not been for that he might have played longer under Randy Sanders amid all the chaos of last year and might have been too confused to be rehabilitated.

Edited October 18, 2006 by Augielio

[Gerry Bertier]

They don't even refer to anything about Notre Dame, they could be applied to any college in the U. S. (and have been).

Grading:

 

I guess that Notre Dame losing 8 bowl games in a row doesn't have anything to do with it. How about their overall 13-14 record all time in bowl game. Seems to me it has something to do with it. I was 9 the last time Notre Dame won a bowl game. Its ok because the list you posted wasn't original either, but hey it doesn't bother me.

[Augielio]

 

I guess that Notre Dame losing 8 bowl games in a row doesn't have anything to do with it. How about their overall 13-14 record all time in bowl game. Seems to me it has something to do with it. I was 9 the last time Notre Dame won a bowl game. Its ok because the list you posted wasn't original either, but hey it doesn't bother me.

 

 

 

 

All my list WAS original. I wrote it the night before I posted it. (The possible exception might be the thick-calved UT coeds, caused by having to climb the hills

to campus.

 

I think some of you Volleys don't take jokes very well, and don't understand my

position. It is recent UT football that I dislike.

 

Peyton Manning is my all-time favorite college/pro player. He may well be the most complete QB ever.

 

Pat Summitt is the best women's basketball coach of all time, and I really enjoy watching the Lady Vols play. I am impressed by the character and grades of her players. I was disappointed to see that many posters here dislike Geno Auriemma for no other reason than that he has success against the Lady Vols. No one has been more complimentary of Pat Summitt than he has--first to call her after the win, said on national TV that she was the best coach in women's basketball and had done more to bring the sport to where it is than any other person.

 

David Cutcliffe is as good as any other offensive coordinator in college, in my opinion. John Chavis does a fine job year-after-year.

 

What I have a problem with is the new breed of Tennessee fan, the ones who jumped on board when Manning arrived. I think this new breed became obsessed with the football, has unrealistic expectations, and has the Vols up there with Ohio State, Texas, Miami, Florida, USC as a perennial football power, choosing to ignore the obvious fact that high school football in those states is far better than Tennessee high school football, requiring UT to recruit better than most schools nationally. I liken it to riding on the back of a tiger. Tennessee coaches felt new pressures and I think they recruited without proper regard to character and/or academics, many of them shipped off to jucos to try to get eligible. The tiger stopped last year and ate its riders. This year, Tennessee is attempting to reform, although the news that 3 or 4 of the last recruiting class are already ineligible because of failure to meet basic academic requirements.

The well-meaning delusion that goes with inability to look at the Tennessee program objectively is shown constantly on this board. I think of the things I have seen posted since this season started--Arian Foster will be a serious Heisman candidate, the Tennessee front 7 will be better than it was last year (in spite of the fact that all of the starters from the year before graduated), Tennessee has a recruiting advantage because they have a chance at a national championship every year (and when was the last time Tennessee was really a contender for a national championship?)--an on and on.

 

The other delusion that I see constantly is "pronoun confusion"--the old "we" and "they" problem. Some posters confuse attachment to the state of Tennessee with attachment to the University of Tennessee, as if they are synonymous. Many posters believe they are a part of the Tennessee Vols football team. "We play LSU next," or "We really took it to California." Listen carefully (and this applies to practically every Tennessee fan on these boards: You are not a member of the University of Tennessee football team. Not now, very likely not then, very likely not ever. Face it. Much as you would like for it to be so, it just isn't so. If you wish to pretend, go ahead, but all the pretending won't make it so. The team bus will not wait for you. You don't have a locker. You're not in the game plan. Tough.

 

But it really isn't tough--because you don't have anything on the line. The players, they have to practice and face the possibility of failing in front of thousands, the coaches, they have to put their work on display for you every week, to be second-guessed and even to lose their jobs. The managers and behind--the-scenes people have hours of work invested.

 

The fan needs only to change pronouns--"we" becomes "they," so that "We beat Georgia," but "They threw their helmets on the field" against Vanderbilt. Success is "we," failure is "they." In truth, most Tennessee fans played just as great a role in players throwing their helmets as they did in beating Georgia--0% in each case.

 

David Cutcliffe is very "we" right now, while Randy Sanders is the poster boy of "they." (The day when our current high school head coach took over in Dyersburg--and he's the best I've ever known--I shook his hand and told him, "We're with you--win or tie. I was being facetious but there tends to be a grain of truth in that.)

 

I taught school for 40 years, coached high school football for 10, and I know something about football--enough, I think, to know you can't tell true fans by how many bumper stickers they have, how many flags on their cars and houses, and how often they use "we" to refer to their team. I have been a Notre Dame fan since 1954, through good times and bad, through the Holtz era when they followed some of the same recruiting practices that Tennessee has used--and paid for it. I have cried with the Irish (not "my" Irish --and, yes, my students (most of them Vol fans) did present me with an autographed (by "Smoky") copy of "Miracle at South Bend" a few years ago. We watched it together in class.) I have no ND flags, no leprechauns in the yard (though we do hear strange noises occasionally), no bumperstickers. I know in my mind how I feel about Notre Dame football and that's good enough for me. I could care less whether others feel that way or not.

 

I am sure that a lot of you are true UT fans who feel the same way as I feel about Notre Dame. I am equally as sure that there are the "bandwagoneers" who didn't know they had a team in Knoxville until Manning came on the scene.

 

So, please learn to take jokes about your team. Our self-esteem is not tied up in whether Tennessee or Notre Dame wins on Saturdays--at least, I sure hope it isn't.

Edited October 18, 2006 by Augielio

[Solomon]

I agree.....to an extent.

 

I bleed Cardinal red in the summer, but you will never see me use the word "we" in regards to them. However, at home I have two degrees hanging from my wall, have 6 years of school there, and pump about $2,000 a year into the school's athletic budget. It's my alma mater and I will use a possessive pronoun when referring to them.

[Gerry Bertier]

I agree.....to an extent.

 

I bleed Cardinal red in the summer, but you will never see me use the word "we" in regards to them. However, at home I have two degrees hanging from my wall, have 6 years of school there, and pump about $2,000 a year into the school's athletic budget. It's my alma mater and I will use a possessive pronoun when referring to them.

 

I agree Solomon. Come December of next year I will have a degree hanging on my wall. I have put money into the system and I am part of it, so most fans have the right to use the possessive pronouns that some on here do not like. In regards to the Peyton comment, many fans my age started watching college football when Peyton Manning was the starter at UT. When he took his first snap, I was 9 years old, which means I was just starting to understand football and that is probably why you think most fans are bandwagoners, however for the younger generation that is when we began to understand what was happening.

 

Seems to me there is a generational gap between you and many of the posters here at the T, including myself. The sports world is completely different than it was 50 years ago.

Edited October 18, 2006 by Gerry Bertier

[Purple & Gold Standard]

Thats funny right there, especially being a Gator fan. I always pondered what Larry the cable guys last name was. Now I know its Augielio.

A Gator fan chiming in on a team's off the field problems??...Now there's the pot calling the kettle black....