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Parent/Coach Relationship


dawgballfan
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I think if every coach does this and shares it with his/her administration then there would be less headaches and firmer ground to stand on when these"meetings"take place. I did have it happen once I misspoke before and when we were in the A.D.'s office he said asked the parent if they signed the rules sheet and saw the sheet they said yes and the A.D said well then there is nothing to discuss unless there has been mistreatment of your child in which the parent said no there wasn't except to the fact he tried to say "well I've seen every game and my child can do the same things" "he is just playing favorites" The A.D dismissed me and I never had an issue again except to not see that parent at many more of the games

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I am a booster club president(baseball) let me tell you how i treat this...as a president it is my job to get the coach anything he needs to be successful(still looking for a lefty that throws 95 so if you know one let me know LOL JK)

AS A PARENT my job is to watch my son and cheer for my son. This is my second child through the program my oldest only started his SR year and my 2nd child got lucky and started his SO year. I never talk to the coach about my sons playing time or any issue my son might have with the coach. IT IS MY SONS JOB TO TALK TO THE COACH IF HE HAS A PROBLEM!!!!I treat this like a job he must work to play and even at work sometimes you dont like your boss or you have a problem what better way for teen to learn to do this than now. I remember my 2nd sons SO year and he got benched because he wasnt hitting AT ALL 0-12 with 11 strike outs and he comes to me all mad and i simply said son if you was coach what would you do? and he knew the answer himself! He corrected it and was starting again after that weekend. As a parent you must make your kids accountable and SUPPORT the coach no matter what! IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE COACH LEAVE IT ON THE PILLOW WITH YOUR WIFE DO NOT BRING IT TO THE COURT OR BALLPARK OR FIELD AND DONT BLAME OTHER KIDS AND BELITTLE OTHER KIDS TO TRY AND PROMOTE YOURS TALK WITH YOUR SPOUSE ABOUT THE ISSUE AND LEAVE IT AT THAT!!

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It has been my experience that often times the parent is the one who has far more concern over playing time than the player themselves. Any coach worth their salt and wanting to keep their job is gonna play the best players they have, period. Lose too much, and you get to look for another job somewhere else next year. Someone please help me out here ..... can parents honestly not be objective enough about their own kid to know whether they can play or not? If they are a skilled player and not getting time on the floor, thats one thing and perhaps there is another underlying problem. But, if they can't play, at least at the varsity level, why can't the parent just accept the cards that have been dealt to them and just let the kid be a part of the program. If the kid wants to quit, then let them quit. If they enjoy being a part of the basketball team, then leave them alone and let them enjoy the experience. I can assure you, there are parents out there who would rather their team lose as long as their kid plays rather than have their team win with their child sittng on the bench. Just my three cents worth :popcorneater:

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  • 2 weeks later...

1st of all, great posts! Unfortunately, I think we may be "preaching to the choir", but the comments could provide direction to a young coach or a parent who got off track for a moment.

 

At any rate, it should be understood that the players who give the team the best opportunity to be successful are going to play. As a former coach & "afterlete", I understood this, so I did things to prove that I should be 1 of the 5 on the court. Players (and generally this generation, imo) have developed a a sense of entitlement, in which they think that have a right to a certain amount of playing time for whatever reason, regardless of how well they performed in practice or in the classroom. Couple that with an "it's all about me attitude" (often cultivated by unsuspecting parents), and you have a conflict in the making that will be intensified by players & parents behaving as though they know more than coaches. This undermines the authority of the coach and creates an environment where all team members will rarely be on the same page.

 

I'll admit that it is pretty common to 2nd guess coaches, even ones who have forgotten more than we ever learned. I catch myself from time-to-time (yall have to admit that you thought Calipari should have fouled before the 3 pointer by Chalmers :thumb: ). But most coaches consider the make-up of their team and prepare to win accordingly.

 

So parents & other supporters of players, please understand that when you suggest to that player that she/he should do something other than what the coaches have asked them to do, you are creating confusion in their mind & dissension among teammates. The team is destined to underachieve as a result and, you can't blame the coach for that.

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One of the biggest problems is unrealistic expectations or not a good knowledge of what makes a great ball player. A left-handed 5-3 baseball player is not going to play second base or hit in the 3 hole. In basketball, style of playing and other factors come into play. When I played ball, if a team went to a zone, I was put it because I was a fairly quick defender to hold my own there but the best outside shooter on my team and my job was to shot 24-30 footers until they came out of the zone. Once they went to man to man I came out and Daniel Love, a much quicker player with great penetration skills and a little better defender would come back in. I just wish the 3-point shot was in back then, I may have gotten more playing time - LOL!!! Also, not knowing what talent looks like by not playing the sport yourself is a 'problem' for a lot of parents. I was fortunate to have grown up in Huntsville, Alabama during a time of great talent. Jimmy Key as teammate in little league. Bobby Cattage and other great basketball players to play with and against. Research the name Kent Looney once. He was amazing. And then later, when I moved to Tennessee, a player at Springfield named Johnny Darden. When you play with or against players of that caliber you start to realize that even though you may have been an all-star in your league at 12 (I was in Little League) a pyramid starts taking shape of fewer and fewer places to play and more and more people wanting those fewer and fewer spots. But parents see their kids through a totally different prism than they see everyone else's. I loved to watch my oldest son play high school football and he was a tremendous high school kicker but growing up with Jack Daniels in Huntsville (yes, that is his name - he is now an attorney) who was a GREAT high school kicker but only got a walk-on invite to Alabama and didn't kick much there I knew where to set my expectations for my oldest son. My youngest son played baseball and he was one of the better players on his little league and Babe Ruth teams but once he got to Riverdale, he was overshadowed by a left-hander drafted by the Cardinals, a right-hander who signed with Western Kentucky, another pitcher who went 9-1 every year and a closer who gave up one earned run his senior year. Sure, I wish my son could have played more. But how do sit a draft choice or a D-1 signee just to make sure my son gets more playing time? How is it fair to them? But JD had a great experience, playing WITH a great bunch of kids for a GREAT coach. I hear parents at every sporting venue, from little league to the pros, saying how they would do this or play that person. Well, only a handful of folks have put in the long hours of getting the degree and the experience to actually get to make those decisions. And my hat goes off to them. 8-)

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There have been some great posts on this topic and I want to add my two cents. A lot of parents view their child's lack of playing time as mistreatment. It is sad that sometimes they can not see what everyone else does, that maybe their child does not need to be playing. No one understands just how tough a job coaching really is. You are balancing teaching classes, keeping up with a budget, watching film, game planning, public relations, child psychology, time management, game strategy, and anything else I might have left off. Several parents are only concerned with how much there son or daughter is playing, and whether you win or lose. Winning or losing is an important part of it, but not the only part. Coaches, for the most part, are spending more time with the kids than the parents. So by that assumption, the coaches are teaching these kids the skills they need to be successful at life. Parents who gripe to coaches about playing time are really missing the big picture. Are they going to go to their kids' jobs and gripe at their bosses. They are doing a lot more damage than good by doing that.

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This has been one of the best posts in a long time. So many good responses. I am a coach and a parent. When I coach rec league ball I try to give all my players a good bit of playing time. That's the only way they are going to get better because of our limited practice time. However when I coach on the varsity level then it is about winning and you normally win with the best players playing the most. In the rec league I tell my parents I will treat each player fairly when it comes to playing time. There is a difference between fair and equal by the way.

 

As a parent I have seen my child sit on the bench a lot when she was starting out. As she has worked hard and practiced during the off season she has improved a great deal and is now one of the main players. I call it paying your dues. Her coach (which is not me thank goodness) has an open policy and will discuss anything, including playing time with a parent. The only thing he asks is if you don't think your child is getting enough playing time is for you and your child to ask him what they need to do to improve and get better in order to gain more playing time.

 

As one poster commented I think our modern day "it's all about my child" mentality and society's treat everyone the same, everyone gets a trophy, no one gets singled out for achievement thinking is ruining sports and creating an "entitlement" culture that is ruining our country......

 

Thanks for the great posts.

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