Lance

Okay - it is a big week in the IMAC and I know just what is missing - A good frog joke, so here goes (PS - this one is especially for mwtfan) A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you and do *Anything* you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do *Anything* you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool." MWTFAN - A talking frog is really cool - now that's funny

Statman - how is your girl doing? Hope to catch you somewhere along the way.

JC FAN - YEAH. Glad you get it - (I can imagine what the newbies are thinking about my frogs). mwtfan - throw in a couple of steaks and I smell a reunion in our future. Stormy - settle down - it's early Thunder360 - you are as full of crap as I am - just not as entertaining - but keep trying. MOBUCK - How can you start a thread and spend most of your time hiding. Have fun IMAC.

You are correct mwtfan - I'm checking in from time to time, but I have nothing to add. You are correct - WAY BORING WITHOUT ME. Of course, it's way boring when you know everything. You have been somewhat quiet this year as well. I hope to check out your Trojans soon. In the meantime, I guess we leave the smack to Mobuck, Stormy, and Thunder360 - but the three of them added together equal the opposite of Lance. With that said - I know the IMAC readers are depressed without me so I leave them with a crazy frog joke: A new study shows that licking the sweat off of a frog cures depression. The downside is that the minute you quit licking, the frog becomes depressed again --- now that's funny. I'm watching mwtfan.

I guess so, with a cute young frog going off to college /smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":)" border="0" alt="smile.gif" />

Statman - what's fun about that. How can we sell tickets without controversy. It's like the whole Kobe Bryant / Artest incident. We got to push up the ratings. I kow what you mean. No since crying over spilt milk. I wish I could offer some words of wisdom, but I think I'm about out. However, in taking about RULES - I could come up with one last frog joke. Frogs went to college to play softball where the Rules Board of Director made the following presentation. To be eligible, we only have one rule here he says. All boy frogs will stay away from girl frogs dormatory and all girl frogs will stay away from boy frogs dormatory. The first time you get caught is a $20 penalty and slap on the hand - a second infraction will cost you $60 and you cannot start the following game - and third occurrence will cost you $180 and one game suspension. Any questions? After a few minutes, one of the frogs asked - How much is a season pass? Moral - it's not so much the intent of the rule but rather how we wish to interpret it. Not my funniest joke - but hopefully lightens the moment (and sells a few tickets). Tough loss Lady Chiefs.

mwtfan - statman I've been reading the thread "TSSAA member pleading ignorance". They are letting Reed have it on there regarding the controversy of your game. I knew the rule was pick up where you leave off and I certainly wouldn't want to be taking the field unless I had full understanding of the rule. However, it is rumored that both coaches were told that if they didn't get 2 innings in, the game would restart. What is your understanding of what both coaches new before the start and how the game ultimately had to be played from where it left off? Did Cherokee play under protest or have they since protested - or chalking this up to lesson learned? Either way - tough way to be eliminated. All Lance can say is WOW. This situation is even more amazing than me.

I'm sorry mwtfan - I thought you knew Donnie. He is great guy another softball junkie. If I get a chance, I will introduce the two of you. As for newbutold - why you call us out Sylvia? I don't go around telling people that your daughter plays third at East now do I. LANCE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY. Whitney Leon - enjoyed watching the East game with you. If I had a "dang ball", I'd give it to you /smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":)" border="0" alt="smile.gif" /> Glad for rainout. Hopefully, I can make Thursday's game. Steaks mwtfan and I will hook you up with Donnie

Statman - enjoyed meeting you and spending time with you and Donnie. It has been a long and fun run. Tell your daughter that I'm a big fan and wish her well in her post secondary pursuits. MWTFAN - as usual - great to see you. I enjoyed your daughter after the game as well. She actually gave me a hug. Normally, she is cracking on me. I'm going to miss IMAC as we knew it.

Lance - once again, you are the man. How do you continue to do it? Defies man's capacity to understand. I mean predicting IMAC is one thing, but to come up with two more crazy frog jokes. Impossible

Statman - I'll be looking for you tonight. A frog walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says - are you a frog cause we don't serve frogs here. Frog goes down the street and catches next bar and once again orders a drink. Bartender says - are you a frog cause there is a sign outside that clearly states that we don't serve frogs here. Frog finds a third bar and same treatment once again. Frog walks back to the first bar where he sees a piece of rope on the floor at the door. He wraps the rope into a knot around himself and frays it on both ends. He walks in and orders a drink. Bartendender ask - are you a frog for which the frog responds --- I'm a-frayed knot. Afraid not - that's funny. TONIGHT'S IMAC DISTRICT MATCHUP Jefferson vs West There is an old saying in sports that suggest it is tough to beat the same team 3 times. Lance has once again been amazing this year, but twice I have picked the Trojans and twice they have been defeated by Jeff. Jefferson played well last night and put up runs on the best pitcher in East Tennessee. I want to say that I'm a believer, but then you have last nights game - how does Jeff get off the mat after last nights heart-breaking loss after seemingly having it in hand. That just drains the life right out of you. If anyone can put it back together - it's Leon; however, just can't beat the same team 3 straight times - not in the highly talented and equitable IMAC. Lance's Loser: Jefferson East vs Cherokee There is an old saying in sports that suggest it is tought to beat the same team 3 times. And who in this conference thinks they can beat Gilbert 3 times in one year. Impossible. Improbable. Heck - I don't even think she has given up an earned run to Lady Canes this year -- or at least it has been a couple of errors that cost them. I know Marbles gave up an unimaginable amount of runs to Jeff last night but I wouldn't want to be playing the ULTIMATE WARRIOR tonight. No way Lady Canes. No way to beat her 3 straight times. No way as she is on emotional high from last nights come from behind surprise. No body in America would pick you tonight which is precisely why I do. THAT OLD SAYING IS JUST A BUNCH OF BUNK. Lance's Loser: Cherokee I hope this is my final pick. I have had loads of IMAC fun, but alas I have run my course. Out of jokes - out of power - out of entertaining things to say. GO IMAC

IMAC TOURNEY (I usually don??™t predict after District Tourney starts, but this is probably my last year and since I have been unmasked, I may be running short of super power) but here goes: Cherokee ??“ Jefferson Whitney Gilbert vs Whitney Leon ??“ This one could go 12 innings with no one scoring and then I say, let those two arm wrestle for it. The Red, White, and Blue continue to surprise the amazing Lance and certainly a victory tonight would do it as well. Chief Gilbert will rally the tribe for one last assault on Spring Fling and getting out of the District may be the toughest battle between here and there. When you think of Whitney, you think of ???Marbles Gilbert???, but two great years from sophomore sensation Whitney Leon is evident that she wants the baton passed to her. But since this isn??™t the 800 relay, don??™t look for it to pass tonight. Lady Pats have surprised me all year and Cherokee finds scoring runs extremely difficult. A Lady Pat win wouldn??™t be shocking, but neither is it probable. Lance??™s Loser: Jefferson East ??“ West Talk softly and carry a big stick and both of these got plenty of that. No smack talking tonight and both poised to put up large quantities of runs. Trojans have sputtered all season and though you are not sure what you are going to get on any given night, they have played well as of late and of course a big victory over talented Unicoi. East comes staggering in the tournament with a measly record of 24-3. They maybe stumped their toe last week, but after the profanity flies and you get the lights turned on, you are ready to break something ??“ tonight it will be break out. I look for high scoring affair and although, West a little advantage as they utilize more speed and play smaller ball, East has more power and potential to fly it out of the park. I love this pitching matchup as well. Watson one of my all time favorites and the ever steady Rachael Wilmoth. They two girls just go out and find a way. Both will need some help from the girls behind them. Lance??™s Loser: West

I hope the groan wasn't at my final crazy frog joke of the year. But alas poor Urick, those are not helicopters hovering, but rather the witness of strong circular clouds - some might even mistake for a tornado, but then you realize that your storm break is really the eye of the storm and the circular motion and high wind is the back end of a hurricane. Just when you think that you withered the wind, a high velocity storm surge destroys that which remaines. Great year IMAC. This conference has a great chance to make Spring Fling again. I say, let's send two.

I hope we can enjoy district tourney as rain threatens, but regardless - one final frog joke is in order. I call this Kermit Jagger (Mic's frog) A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack (Patti). So he says, 'Ms Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy equipment and start a new softball program. Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow for which the frog responds - $20,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says his name is Kermit Jagger and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $20,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need some collateral to secure the loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral. The frog says, `Sure, I have this,' and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about 2 cm tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, `There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $20,000. And he wants to use this knick-knack elephant as collateral.' She holds up the tiny pink elephant and says, 'I mean, what the heck is this?' So the manager looks back at her and says, `It's a knick-knack Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.' Go CANES!

Maybe a little rest Statman. My brain is overheating. East wins first seed and is rewarded by playing West at West - (if Trojans survive the first round). I'll ponder statman.

I've missed 5 games this year but only 4 in the previous 3. Alas it is time to retire. Lady Trojans are breaking my back and crushing my will to pick. I began unmasking this year and I have lost my super powers. Maybe I'll be back - another day - with another name. WOW

It's an all IMAC day reminding me that nothing says IMAC this year like a crazy frog joke. What kind of shoes do frogs wear ------------ open toad I know - it's cute. Greeneville at Cherokee Greene Devils looking for an upper echelon win vs the second place Lady Chiefs. Marbles has won more 1-0 games than any girl in the history of the IMAC reminding us all that you won??™t win if you don??™t score and since she is good for about 36 innings a night ??“ I like her chances. Gville can??™t score: Lance??™s Loser: Greeneville Cocke at East Lady Canes have a chance to wrap up the 1 seed with a victory tonight; however coming off an 8-10 error game vs cross town rivals. Be careful my dear Canes, as defensive output such as that, will win very few games. Cocke County has been close many times this year, but no cigars. Not going to get to smoke tonight either ??“ Lance??™s Loser: Lady Red Jeff at West (IMAC game of the day) I select this as game of the day due to it??™s importance and the difficulty in making a prediction. Lady Pats stunned the Trojans earlier in the season which seemed to temporarily derail and funkatize the maroon warriors. But alas they are back (as Lance had earlier predicted), and looking for a "pound of cure". Lady Pats hope that pitching is an "ounce of prevention" but that only gets you even. McKinney has rekindled the fire in her belly and I look for the Trojans to seek revenge and once again strike fear in the hearts of the IMAC elite. Lance??™s Loser: Patriots.

I love her and don't even know her. She has met me on a couple of occassions and been nothing but cordial and mannerly. Besides all that - she is a friggan warrior. 1000 K's - awesome.

Come on statman. Change your schedule. I've been waiting to meet you for years /smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":)" border="0" alt="smile.gif" /> I know mwtfan well too. He is one of my all time favorite people. Don't blow this.

Doctor walks in on frog sitting on top of man's head. Doctor asked - how did you get that ugly thing. Frog replies - I don't know. It started out as a big ugly wart on my bottom. That's funny - no matter how many times you read it. Greeneville at Jefferson. Be careful Lady Pats. Look for Greeneville to keep you off balance; however, if Leon is pitching - it won't matter. Lance's Loser: Greeneville. Cherokee at Cocke County. Cherokee LOSES in a shocker to the IMAC world. Yeah right. The Chief loves the Chicken. Gilbert off emotional loss will just take the dang ball. Today is more of the same. Lance's Loser: Cocke County Morristown East at West Morristown Battle Royal. Loser leave town. Death match, cage match, Texas strap match. The Omni in Atlanta. IT'S NO HOLDS BARRED IN MOSCOW. Undefeated Lady Canes vs the Defunk-atised Lady Trojans. I like the Trojans late in the season. McKinney beginning to see the end of her career flash before her eyes and I look for her to buckle down. Heffner is the Ron Wright of softball. Just when you least expect it, she pulls a hammer out of her shorts and hits you between the eyes with it. SENIOR NIGHT TOO - mwtfan,no theatrics, come on. Logistics - get out of here. You guys are the Rick Flair of this analogy. OH YEAAAAAAH! - I'm the Macho Man. But this aint professional wresting - it's softball. It's love - hate or hate - hate or love em - hate em. I'm not sure but promises to be fun. I call this a Tennessee broom match. Canes finish the sweep and secure the first seed for District Tournament. Lance's Loser: Morristown West.

You remembered my first post. I'm tearing up. Could I be any smarter - Big difference between all-knowing an smart. My wife would tell you that when it comes to softball, I'm stupid and need to get a life. She doesn't understand how much you and mwtfan need me. Which reminds me. District coming up. How are we too hook up? If you know mwtfan, then we can meet on him. It would be great if mwtfan would bring a grill for real. Mines down, but alas a purchase is in order before summer anyway. Let's plan this out. We need to be recognizable so our fellow IMACIANS can come chastise us (or at least me). I have a clue for you STATMAN ----------- Courtney Davis is a distant cousin. Start planning. MWTFAN - Help us get this done.

Lance - Lance - Lance How do you do it. Not only to know everything and be simply amazing, but to continue to find an appropriate analogy via a crazy frog joke. The IMAC is so lucky to have you. You are the man Sir Lancelot and we bask in the glory of your goofeyness /smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":)" border="0" alt="smile.gif" />

Man walks into bar and asked if he could get a free drink. Only if you show me something spectacular says the bartender. Man pulls out a frog and sets on the piano and he plunks out every request. Spectacular says bartender here is your free drink. Another guy says, I'll pay a weeks tab if you show something more spectacular than that. Man pulls out a rat and sets by the frog. Frog plays piano and Rat sings a song. I'll give you a million dollars for the frog and the rat said the guy. No is the response. Guys says how about $300,000 for the rat. Deal says the man and he sells the rat. Bartender says "you broke up a million dollar act you idiot". Man replies - ha, the FROG IS ALSO A VENTRILOQUIST. West at Greeneville There is a shift in the wind and the smell from the funk in Morristown has subsided. I fear the new smell is the smell of a late season run. It's either that or the degreaser I used to mop the floor this morning. Either way, it is a clean sweep of Greeneville by Lady Trojans. Lance's Loser: Greeneville East at Cherokee - IMAC game of the day (although it is sprinkling outside so play is doubtful in Rogersville) It's payback time Lady Canes. You stole one from Chief Gilbert and Cherokee gave you some light, but alas never trust a gift from an indian - cause they will always take it back (Indian giver). Lady Canes could be playing for all the MARBLES today, but you guessed it, the road to MARBLE glory must go through the reserveration and through the Marble Chief herself. Per our crazy frog joke today - Gilbert is the frog. She is the million dollar act! She is the marble queen; however, without more offensive production from her fellow rats, (and because she went 11 innings last night to Volunteer) - and because I'VE LOST ALL MY MARBLES - I take the Lady Canes. Lance's Loser: Cherokee

You are the man sir Lancelot. How do you do it? No worries - Pat's and Trojans. Better times just ahead. Hang on - it aint over yet.

I don??™t know ??“ let??™s say we begin with a crazy frog joke. Two frogs were crossing the street. First frog says: ???hey look out??? ??“ ???CAR!??? (SQUASH). Second frog says: ???What car???? (SQUASH). Moral to the story ??“ not a good day to be on the road which brings me to today??™s IMAC matchups. East at Jefferson (toughy). Lady Canes coming off a strong showing at Eastman, travel to the valley to take on the ever-so dangerous Lady Patriots. Look out lady canes: ???CAR!???. Jefferson hasn??™t beaten East since 2006 and while they have been spasmodic this year, they are undefeated at Carson Newman. The Red, White, and Blue are looking to return to former glory in the upper tier of the IMAC; however, their Patriot defense system doesn??™t come equipped with a JETT. Lady Canes are little banged up and certainly ripe for the picking ??“ however, since we aint thumping melons today, nor playing at Carson Newman. Lance??™s Loser: Jefferson Cherokee at Morristown West (IMAC game of the day). I like my frog analogy, but I??™m not sure if Chiefs are on the road or not. The wheels have fallen off the Maroon Warrior??™s wagon. I haven??™t smelled this much funk in Morristown since I visited the chicken processing plant located in the middle of town. The Chiefs are on the other extreme with a close defeat in Eastman Championship. Gilbert ??“ YOU ARE ONE CRAZY CHIC. Trojan bats are capable ???CAR!???. Beware of Trojans and Patriots as District approaches, but today it??™s ???Crazy Marble Chic???. Lance??™s Loser: Morristown West