usfjim, here goes:
flagrant-any action, verbal or physical, that the official deems is bad enough for a participant/coach to be immediately ejected. Ex. coach jumps out of chair is in the middle of the mat screaming "you stupid ###### you blew another call". I guess that's a silly example, but I've never seen a coach ejected for flagrant. Biting by a wrestler is an automatic flagrant.
unsportsman-any action, verbal or physical, that the official deems is delaying the orderly progression of the match. Exs by the coach can be riding the official from the coach's chair to the point where the official can't concentrate on the match because of the nonsense coming out of the corner. A more specific ex is a coach yelling "he's stalling ref" very loud, over and over. The coach may even be right. But when the coach starts calling the match it no longer seems that teams are given an equal shot. Coaches standing in their corner with their fist raised indicating the other wrestler is stalling has been considered inciteful (unsporting), and of course any direct verbal attacks get irritable pretty quickly. But, the official should know the difference between a coach yelling "that's a terrible call"-describing the situation, and "you're a terrible ref"-direct attack. All of the above are penalized without warning, with the exception of "that's a terrible call".
misconduct-only happens at the table after the coach requests a meeting with the official. Misconduct is questioning judgement, "how can you call that near fall, both shoulders were three inches off the mat". Misconduct is also the coach requesting the conference because he believes the official has misapplied a federation rule. The example comment is misconduct on both accounts. First, the official's judgement is that the defensive wrestler was held in near fall criteria (questioning judgement), and second the rules state near fall criteria is met if both shoulders are held within FOUR inches for two seconds so the rule was not misapplied as the coach claimed. The first incident gets the head coach a warning, the second by any member of the coaching staff gets the head coach a penalty, and the third by any member of the coaching staff gets the head coach removed.
This may be more than you asked for, but...