Athletes and my observations

[mustcoach]

This past week I got to sit in, listen and learn from what in my mind is the #1 Women’s soccer coach in the World, Anson Dorrance. His resume speaks for itself with:

• Member of the Soccer Hall of Fame

• 629-28-18 record in 28 years

• 19 of 26 NCAA National Championships

• 1 World Championship

• 1 Olympic Championship

• The coach who has developed such players as April Heinricks, Mia Hamm, Kristine Lilly, Carla Overbeck-Warden, Heather O’Reilly, Tracy Ducar, Lori Chalupny, Tobin Heath and the list goes on and on.

I think it is a good time to share some things I learned from Anson and you do with it as you see fit. But take a good honest look at yourself as the parents of young female athletes and see where you fit.

 

Most parents think their kids have talent. But talent is not the one all end all of what makes someone great at whatever endevour they choose, be it music, athletics or academics, etc…

A man by the name of Herb Greenberg started a company named Caliper. Through this company he sells his services to the NHL, MLS, NFL, NBA and MLB.

• What he is paid a lot of money to do is to analyze athletic potential and advise different professional teams who to draft. (He is the one that told Indianapolis to draft Peyton Manning over Ryan Leaf if he was still there.)

• His methodology is to have the athletes he is asked to analyze take a battery of psychological tests to see if the three most critical qualities for athletic success are a part of their mental make up.

• If one or more of these qualities is not there he advises his clients to not draft the athletes being considered, not to take the risk.

There is nothing horribly profound or surprising about what he is looking for in his tests. He is looking for the core of “ATHLETIC CHARACTER.” He is looking for:

1. Self-discipline

2. competitive fire

3. self-belief (don’t confuse this with ALWAYS having unwaivering confidence. Real self-belief will not be shaken regardless of what happens to you.)

All the talent in the world can be torpedoed by any one or all three of these critical qualities if you are missing them. All athletes have choices to make that will sort out how good you are going to be. How you chase these three areas will be the final measure in your athletic greatness. Some of our athletes are going to make it because they have self-discipline to separate from their peers even though self discipline is an extraordinarily uncomfortable state….it is not easy for ordinary people. Most are rather ordinary so most will not really attain their potential. It is just to hard to invest in being the best. Most would rather be comfortable. But please understand being ordinary is not an indictment it is a choice.

I am here to tell each of you that you control all of these qualities. These are not genetic traits you inherited, these are all decisions you all have made or can make now to make a difference.

Most of what I am writing has to do with choice and accountability. I think this aspect of athletics is where the greatest value of athletics lies. It is in an area that is being undermined by “parents going to ludicrous lengths to take the lumps and bumps out of life for their children”. If athletics has any real value then it is here, where you get to choose not to have any discipline and watch a lesser athlete that works harder play in front of you and decide if this lack of commitment is the way you are going to live your life. Or you get to compete against someone 1v1 and quit in the middle of it and realize that either you are just not mentally tough enough or accept that this doesn’t mean that much to you…you would rather not try (not compete) because you would rather remain more comfortable.

And then of course you have to decide how you are going to navigate the real character issues:

• Do you take responsibility for where you are and NOT recruit your parents to defend you from this “grave injustice” of not starting or playing as much as you would like OR

• after seeing your “failure”, do your parents have the character to recognize your lack of accountability and commitment and hold you to a higher standard of performance and behavior that the coach is hoping you will obtain?

And if one of these last two scenarios is played out the right way, then athletics, this wonderful laboratory of the human spirit, has helped you grow up to be stringer and a more honorable human being.

Creating what a November/December 2004 article in Psychology Today calls “A Nation of Wimps” the parents of today are irrational protective bubbles for their kids…sheltering them from the “chaos of the universe”. The study says this:

1. “Kids need to feel badly sometimes” says child psychologist David Elkind, professor at Tufts University. “We learn though experience and we learn through bad experiences. Through failure we learn to cope.”

2. “Kids are losing leadership skills.” (Because their parents are doing everything for them).

3. The “eternal umbilicus”: the cell phone “reporting every flicker of experience. Or a comparable phenomena: the “helicopter parent” hovering over every aspect of their kids life…saving and protecting them at every opportunity.

4. “Parents are always so concerned about children having high self esteem…but the numbers are spiking in depression”.

5. Bench markers of adulthood-In 1960 by the age of 30-65% of males had reached it. In 2000 only 31% had. Among women in 1960-77% could demonstrate the bench makers of adulthood but by 2000 it had dropped to 46%.

6. “Children can’t handle difficult situations” anymore.

In William Damon’s book Greater Expectations –“the culture of indulgence in America’s homes and schools”. The author says “out of a noble desire to give kids self esteem we are praising them for everything they do…this has a double negative effect:

1. they develop no sense of standards “everything is wonderful”

2. they develop no sense of respect for authority because no one is telling them the truth about the demands of the real world and they know they are being lied to…

Myself and other coaches are now asked to develop what is left of these kids. It is harder now but we have a very real opportunity to impact them.

 

In a story shared by Anson in his book, The Vision of a Champion” he recalls one of his favorite stories on the subject of personal responsibility and team loyalty. He also shares this with everyone, players and coaches, at his girls summer camp.

“Tracey Bates Leone (’85-’89) was my starting left midfielder when I coached the US National Team. On a trip to Italy, Kristine Lilly beat her out for that spot. We were staying in a hotel with only one telephone, located underneath a stairwell. Late one night, after I had gone out for a run and was stretching near the stairs, I could hear Tracy on the phone with her mother. “No, I passed all my fitness tests…No Anson’s not mad at me,” Tracy said. Then bursting into tears she added, “Don’t you understand Mom, Kristine is just better than I am.”

I could tell that in an effort to comfort Tracey, her mother was giving her every possible reason to pass blame for not playing, to desert her mission with the team, and Tracey wouldn’t accept it. She didn’t make excuses for why she wasn’t playing; she accepted the reality, which was that Kristine was better than she was. We won the World Championship later that year, and Tracey was a big part of that. Underneath her photo in the media guide, in the answer to the question “Who do you most admire?” Tracey said: “Kristine Lilly.”

That is class. That’s honorable. That’s depth of character. It’s also rare!

We see from that story that it was the PARENT trying to protect her daughter. She certainly gave her every chance to blame Anson for not picking her daughter to start. It wasn’t the player. But she did the noble thing by protecting her coach and his decision because she knew she was not the best between the two. Players know the hierarchy or who is best and who isn’t. Most of the time it is the parents that can’t see through their own desire to have their child be the best.

 

Remember earlier I spoke of the three core athletic character traits…self-discipline, competitive fire and self-belief. Remember these are all qualities people control and people make the choice to have them. And if you don’t chose it, don’t worry, very few do…these kinds of people are exceptionally rare, they are sometimes called CHAMPIONS. “Champion” is another word for individuals willing to do difficult and uncomfortable things on a daily basis that no one else is willing to do.

 

Yes, players that play for me will experience highs and lows, periods where they are uncomfortable because I push them out of the comfort zone so they will FAIL!!! Only through this FAILURE will there be success. But on the other side of this discomfort/failure they become stronger when they realize they can do it. Not every player can handle it and I find more often than not it is the parent that can’t handle it. They forget when they were younger,in a much different era, that our coaches pushed us, our teachers paddled our ######, we were told either do the work or fail and we didn’t get a second chance to retake the test because we made bad on it. The authority figures in our lives then challenged us to be all we could be while at the same time declaring a standard and we darn well better meet it because they were not lowering it. Back then we had TRYOUTS and NOT everyone made the team. It made the ones that really wanted it work harder to make it and when they did the feeling of accomplishment was tremendous. It also weeded out the ones who didn’t really want it but felt they were entitled to it. Remember them?

I appreciate you parents letting me coach your daughters/sons. But you must let me coach and know I have your childs best interests in my mind.

 

Thanks