Coaches telling her players that they stink

[Indian Chief]

Hey the truth hurts. As a person there are too things that I don't like people to do to me. This curse at me or lie to me. I will tolerate the cursing before I will tolerate the lying. If the coach was telling the truth it probably hurt.

 

The world will lie to you, cheat you, and beat you while your down. They will hardly ever tell you the truth.

 

It is better to be told the truth once than to be lied to 100 times.

 

As a famous quote from A Few Good Men, "You can't handle the truth"

 

Stand up and be the adult and tell you kids the truth no matter what it cost you or them. When someone tells you the truth, you know that they really care about you.

[redlander55]

Good luck in your child's future rec league games. Just a warning, rec league coaches get mad too. It may not be the environment your looking for either.

Happy Stinkin New Year! Just kidding.......... I couldn't help myself.

I would say that is the reason you only coached two years. I'm guessing you coached your little girls rec league two years that is why she can't handle COACHING. ANd just my guess why she is being told these things by her COACH. I don't know your situation ,but you have two choices 1. Qiut, and let the COACH build a team. 2. SHUT UP and let your daughter make her own way in life. She is very close to HAVING to do this on her own. Maybe you will just have to follow her around the rest of her life and make sure no one hurts her feelings. Just guide her and let her grow as a young adult. Give her advice, ie " try sitting down with your coaches and find out what they are expecting of you." Things like communicating with other "human beings" are the best way to build a strong relationship and program. NOT acting UNHUMAN and bashing them on coacht. You want a role model or "ADULT" start with yourself!

[kbc00]

There are a lot of coaches today that do not know the game and they think that yelling makes them a coach. If you are going to be a coach you have to be a teacher of the game. Positive comments will get better results from a player than negative. I had a coach tell me that if he promoted a kid to play in college and that player failed it would be a bad reflection on them. It is not about the coach it is about the player. To be a coach you have to be a teacher. You start with the basic fundementals. You mold a player and that is the responsibility of the coach. High school players are kids and not adults. When they get in the real world making a living they will get all the negativity they will need. So why start them early.

 

As for girls basketball if you are a male coach I would think you better watch what you say to a player and that goes for the boys coach too. I bet when the coach goes home at night if he told his wife or girl they stink it would be a stong possibility they would get the crap slapped out of him.

 

[coachgat]

I bet when the coach goes home at night if he told his wife or girl they stink it would be a stong possibility they would get the crap slapped out of him.

 

 

Well I have a 3 year old daughter that I'm teaching fundamentals to. We are working with her shot form and when she does it wrong, I tell her that it's terrible and she smiles and fixes it. No slapping there. We've actually been working on it since she was two. As much love that I show her she knows that daddy isn't trying to break her self esteem, she has too much of that. It all depends on what kind of relationship you have with those kids. With my sons in football, you should see what they have to go through in the back yard, it's brutal. Noise talking, gut checks, you name it... ( i kind of miss coaching football) well, after dealing with me in the back yard my sons didn't have a problem with anything that they had to deal with in practice. I don't want to have my kids expecting anything, they must know that it has to be earned. Guess what, whenever I get home you would think that my kids haven't seen me in years the way they jump all over me with hugs and kisses. You wouldn't believe how much they ask for us to go work out in the yard, as hard as I am on them. They understand that it is going to take hard work. I thank God that they understand that. Caution: don't try what I mentioned above at home, could cause damage to the self esteem of little ones.

[VolunteerGeneral]

Just wondering what actions other parents would take if their childs coach told them they stink? I personally think this is very unprofessional. If coaches talk like this in front of our kids, its no wonder the kids talk trash on the floor to each other during a game. Does any one know what TSSAA rules are for this kind of behavior.

 

It sounds like to me the coach is trying to get some better response out of some players.

 

This generation of parents are being labeled as "helicopter parents". Why? Because they absolutely hover over their child and when the least little thing goes wrong they fly in and fix it for them. I sent one off to UT this past fall and it was repeatedly told to parents at orientation. They said this is one of the smartest era of kids because parents do stay involved more, but at the same time they said too many kids get to college and they don`t know how to make a decision for themselves because their parents have always been there to take care of things.

 

Why do I say this....The coach said something that was most likely trying to motivate and challenge his players to work harder. I wouldn`t worry too much about it. Let your daughter deal with it and stay out of it.

[options86]

Hey the truth hurts. As a person there are too things that I don't like people to do to me. This curse at me or lie to me. I will tolerate the cursing before I will tolerate the lying. If the coach was telling the truth it probably hurt.

 

The world will lie to you, cheat you, and beat you while your down. They will hardly ever tell you the truth.

 

It is better to be told the truth once than to be lied to 100 times.

 

As a famous quote from A Few Good Men, "You can't handle the truth"

 

Stand up and be the adult and tell you kids the truth no matter what it cost you or them. When someone tells you the truth, you know that they really care about you.

A nice e-mail that I received about life

 

To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice. Bill Gates gave a speech to high school students about 11 things they would not learn in school. He talks about feel-good, politically-correct teachings having created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this sets them up for failure in the real world. Love him or hate him, he sure hit the nail on the head with this!

 

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

 

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will

expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

 

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school.

 

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

 

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.

 

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes - learn from them.

 

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So, before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

 

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

 

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

 

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

 

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

[observations]

Well I have a 3 year old daughter that I'm teaching fundamentals to. We are working with her shot form and when she does it wrong, I tell her that it's terrible and she smiles and fixes it. No slapping there. We've actually been working on it since she was two. As much love that I show her she knows that daddy isn't trying to break her self esteem, she has too much of that. It all depends on what kind of relationship you have with those kids. With my sons in football, you should see what they have to go through in the back yard, it's brutal. Noise talking, gut checks, you name it... ( i kind of miss coaching football) well, after dealing with me in the back yard my sons didn't have a problem with anything that they had to deal with in practice. I don't want to have my kids expecting anything, they must know that it has to be earned. Guess what, whenever I get home you would think that my kids haven't seen me in years the way they jump all over me with hugs and kisses. You wouldn't believe how much they ask for us to go work out in the yard, as hard as I am on them. They understand that it is going to take hard work. I thank God that they understand that. Caution: don't try what I mentioned above at home, could cause damage to the self esteem of little ones.

It could cause damage and indeed it does on many occasions. I wonder who told you that a three year old is endowed with a lot of self esteem at that age. And whether she smiles or not, if you tell her she did something terrible, it still hurts. Maybe she is hiding it in order to gain time with her dad. As to shot form, how can you teach shot form to a three year old. If she is going to shoot any kind of shot at all at a basket even a lower one in height, she will have to do whatever is necessary to get the ball to the goal. The shot form can wait, because it will change anyway when she gets older. I know a lot of coaches that would not consider shot form a fundamental for a three year old. I have several children that hug and kiss me every time they see me. So What. As a professional counseler, I can tell you that children who are not in good circumstances at home do the same thing to their parents. I would be careful about giving advice about how to handle children at that tender age. But then again, aren't you the person that openly criticized one of you own players and revealed personal infomation on this public forum. Better be careful about being hard on your children concerning sports or it may come back and bite you some day. Let them be kids. I wonder how much quality time will be spent with Dad if she decides not to play sports. There are instructional books on three year old children that would greatly assist you in not making assumptions on what your child knows and doesn't know especially when it comes to interacting with a parent at that age. Coach, a lot of people have already seen some of your prior posting on this web site and this particular post has done little to nothing to enhance people's opinions about you. A parent told me one time that his expectations were so high for his children that they had only one way to go and that was DOWN, nobody could live up to it. One other thing, on some of your earlier posts, you state that you don't use profanity, but have no problem with it. You cite successfull coaches that use profanity as an example. Whether a coach is successful or not has nothing to do with using profanity. Its not all about success or failure, but how you play and respect the game. Ease up.

Edited January 2, 2007 by fieldman

[coachgat]

It could cause damage and indeed it does on many occasions. I wonder who told you that a three year old is endowed with a lot of self esteem at that age. And whether she smiles or not, if you tell her she did something terrible, it still hurts. Maybe she is hiding it in order to gain time with her dad. As to shot form, how can you teach shot form to a three year old. If she is going to shoot any kind of shot at all at a basket even a lower one in height, she will have to do whatever is necessary to get the ball to the goal. The shot form can wait, because it will change anyway when she gets older. I know a lot of coaches that would not consider shot form a fundamental for a three year old. I have several children that hug and kiss me every time they see me. So What. As a professional counseler, I can tell you that children who are not in good circumstances at home do the same thing to their parents. I would be careful about giving advice about how to handle children at that tender age. But then again, aren't you the person that openly criticized one of you own players and revealed personal infomation on this public forum. Better be careful about being hard on your children concerning sports or it may come back and bite you some day. Let them be kids. I wonder how much quality time will be spent with Dad if she decides not to play sports. There are instructional books on three year old children that would greatly assist you in not making assumptions on what your child knows and doesn't know especially when it comes to interacting with a parent at that age. Coach, a lot of people have already seen some of your prior posting on this web site and this particular post has done little to nothing to enhance people's opinions about you. A parent told me one time that his expectations were so high for his children that they had only one way to go and that was DOWN, nobody could live up to it. One other thing, on some of your earlier posts, you state that you don't use profanity, but have no problem with it. You cite successfull coaches that use profanity as an example. Whether a coach is successful or not has nothing to do with using profanity. Its not all about success or failure, but how you play and respect the game. Ease up.

 

In your ambitous zeal to find something critical about what I said, you missed the point. I'm tough on my kids, but at the same time I love on them just as hard if not harder. I also mentioned that it depends on how well you know the child. I know my daughter. She is the toughest 3 year old that I know, simply because she has to be, with three older brothers that doesn't give her a chance to be soft. With that said, I also know when my daughter can and can't take harsh criticism, I'm not as stupid as you may think I am. We talk noise all the time when we play so it's not like her hearing me say "that's terrible" makes her try to hide her feelings. She's not one to hide her feelings. If she doesn't play anything, which I doubt seriously, she will still have quality time with me. I think she will play something, simply because she comes to me all the time without me saying anything and says...Daddy, I'm going to play basketball for you! All in all, it's her life and her choice to make. I'm going to love and spend time with her no matter what.

 

As far as shot form who wrote this book about when to teach shot form? I'm not putting a NCAA ball in her hand and telling her to shoot in a 10 foot rim. We start off with what she can handle strength wise and build from that. By the way, she isn't this little girl you may be thinking of. She is actually pretty tall and strong for 3 years old. I guess Tiger Woods dad was looked at like that too for putting him out there so early.

 

Everybody didn't grow up with tough love and when spoken to about it, they don't know how to deal with it so I can understand you not being able to relate. It really amazes me how some people's perception is on here. I didn't say that using profanity made them successful. I said that them using profanity doesn't make them a failure. If you go to some coaching clinics you will understand what I'm talking about.

[coachcharlie]

So many people on this post are just missing the fact. You must treat everyone with respect and you will get respect back. Consistancy as a parent and a coach is the most important thing. Alot of people confuse this with "tough love".

 

Figure out what motivates kids to love the game. This is more work than degrading them but the results are much better for their life and for your ball team.

 

Degrading, cussing, or such behavior is not justified and should not be accepted by the athletic community. If it is maybe that's why the athletes think they can act any old way. Look at the pro football players having domestic violence issues. Maybe years of verbal and emotional abuse by coaches have colored their sense of how to treat others. Tough love has not worked to the good of these guys.

Edited January 2, 2007 by coachcharlie

[coachgat]

Coach, a lot of people have already seen some of your prior posting on this web site and this particular post has done little to nothing to enhance people's opinions about you.

 

If you think I'm overly concerned about what people think of me on here after reading this post, you are wrong. The people that really know me understand what I'm talking about. The people that want to find something wrong with what I say, they will and do...hence your reply. I understand that we are different and I dare not ask anyone to use the methods I use to raise their kids. To each his/her own. What works for me may not work for you. It's all about the kid. We are all different and that's the beauty of it all. My boys get and have gotten the same type treatment and they are good boys, A students and well mannered.

[coachgat]

So many people on this post are just missing the fact. You must treat everyone with respect and you will get respect back. Consistancy as a parent and a coach is the most important thing. Alot of people confuse this with "tough love".

 

Figure out what motivates kids to love the game. This is more work than degrading them but the results are much better for their life and for your ball team.

 

Degrading, cussing, or such behavior is not justified and should not be accepted by the athletic community. If it is maybe that's why the athletes think they can act any old way. Look at the pro football players having domestic violence issues. Maybe years of verbal and emotional abuse by coaches have colored their sense of how to treat others. Tough love has not worked to the good of these guys.

 

we don't know if they were the product of tough love or not so we can't make that judgement. I do agree with it being a respect thing. I heard an old coach say, when you recruit thugs, don't be surprised when they act like it.

[observations]

In your ambitous zeal to find something critical about what I said, you missed the point. I'm tough on my kids, but at the same time I love on them just as hard if not harder. I also mentioned that it depends on how well you know the child. I know my daughter. She is the toughest 3 year old that I know, simply because she has to be, with three older brothers that doesn't give her a chance to be soft. With that said, I also know when my daughter can and can't take harsh criticism, I'm not as stupid as you may think I am. We talk noise all the time when we play so it's not like her hearing me say "that's terrible" makes her try to hide her feelings. She's not one to hide her feelings. If she doesn't play anything, which I doubt seriously, she will still have quality time with me. I think she will play something, simply because she comes to me all the time without me saying anything and says...Daddy, I'm going to play basketball for you! All in all, it's her life and her choice to make. I'm going to love and spend time with her no matter what.

 

As far as shot form who wrote this book about when to teach shot form? I'm not putting a NCAA ball in her hand and telling her to shoot in a 10 foot rim. We start off with what she can handle strength wise and build from that. By the way, she isn't this little girl you may be thinking of. She is actually pretty tall and strong for 3 years old. I guess Tiger Woods dad was looked at like that too for putting him out there so early.

 

Everybody didn't grow up with tough love and when spoken to about it, they don't know how to deal with it so I can understand you not being able to relate. It really amazes me how some people's perception is on here. I didn't say that using profanity made them successful. I said that them using profanity doesn't make them a failure. If you go to some coaching clinics you will understand what I'm talking about.

Your perception is wrong if you are implying that I did not grow up with tough love. Tough love is by definition when a parent has to make hard choices concerning their child when the child don't agree or like it. It hardly applies to sports and should not since sports should be a pure choice of any child when they have the ability to weigh all factors involved in playing. As for myself, I grew up with a lot of tough love, so you see, your implication is incorrect. And I bet your daughter plays sports too, I just hope it is a decision made by her for her and not to please anyone else. There is one thing that a three year old understands a little bit and that is what pleases a parent. They quickly learn what to say, how to act, and what to do to please a parent. That is still not the end all of what they truly want sometimes. Only when they see that a parent will be just as pleased if they decide to go another direction will they truly feel free to make their choices. This is not easy to accomplish. As to the size and strength of a three year old, it doesn't matter, they are still a three year old in emotions and maturity.

I have been to coaching clinics and profanity does not make any coach a better coach, its just exposing their inability to use the English language correctly. And you seemed to imply that profanity does not matter if you are a successful coach. In other words, if you are winning, who cares. Profanity makes any coach a failure in setting a proper example to a player, if in no other way then to show the player that they cannot speak properly. Would you want anyone using profanity to your daughter or is there a certain age where it just doesn't matter. I never said you were stupid, just a little overzealous about sports in general. Its a lot different teaching or coaching your own kids than someone else's kids. How do I know, because I've done both, probably longer than you have. You may know all the X and O's in the world, but the thing those girls are gonna remember most that you are coaching is how you treated them, hopefully, with dignity and respect, no matter what the outcome of a ballgame. I'm sure you are a good fellow, just be cautious and go slowly so you will always know that any decision any child makes is their own and not some pressured one they really did not want to make. One other thing, I had no zeal to find something wrong with your earlier post, it just disturbed me. Not trying to upset you, just hope you think about it.