Coaches telling her players that they stink

[ballfanwm]

I agree with you....coaches should not act that way, but they do. It has been my experience that there is nothing that you can do. If you react, you are the one with the problem and your dd suffers more. It's a frustrating situation.

You are right, No player should have to put with the humiliation, the embarrassment, and the demoralization that some players have to put with. You usually have 2 types of parents---l type will stink up to the coach and will put up with anything in order for their little one to play. The other type does not want to rock the boat because of fear that the coach will retaliate against their child. Until enough parents have the guts to stop this abuse it will continue. These kids are not getting paid. These coaches who use humiliation, embarrassment and fear of retaliation, need to find another profession. We are talking about high school, not college. Hard work and disipline is fine. I keep thinking about coaches like Ralph Benson, W.C Johnson, Willie Hudson and Coach Sisco who coached at Centerville years ago. Great Coaches who were firm and strict but never resorted to the tactics noted above. The coaches that use these tactics need to realize they are not there to build a "win loss" record for themselves but to build character, morals and better human beings. Maybe if they were left setting on the bench alone one night, they would realize that they too are human beings.

[ballfan]

bball3555

 

( Just wondering what actions other parents would take if their childs coach told them they stink? I personally think this is very unprofessional. If coaches talk like this in front of our kids, its no wonder the kids talk trash on the floor to each other during a game. Does any one know what TSSAA rules are for this kind of behavior)

 

 

Sounds like parents like you may be the problem with some of the kids in todays world! Just blame someone else, It couldn't be your fault. Take it and go on!

Edited December 29, 2006 by ballfan

[ballfan]

You are right, No player should have to put with the humiliation, the embarrassment, and the demoralization that some players have to put with. You usually have 2 types of parents---l type will stink up to the coach and will put up with anything in order for their little one to play. The other type does not want to rock the boat because of fear that the coach will retaliate against their child. Until enough parents have the guts to stop this abuse it will continue. These kids are not getting paid. These coaches who use humiliation, embarrassment and fear of retaliation, need to find another profession. We are talking about high school, not college. Hard work and disipline is fine. I keep thinking about coaches like Ralph Benson, W.C Johnson, Willie Hudson and Coach Sisco who coached at Centerville years ago. Great Coaches who were firm and strict but never resorted to the tactics noted above. The coaches that use these tactics need to realize they are not there to build a "win loss" record for themselves but to build character, morals and better human beings. Maybe if they were left setting on the bench alone one night, they would realize that they too are human beings.

 

There's another one!

[bball3555]

You must not have kids that play ball or you just don't care what is said to kids in general. Would it be alright and professional for your boss to come up to you and tell you that you s--k?

[coachgat]

Good point. I try to explain to my daughter and her friends that, if they will notice, some players get yelled at worse than others for the same type of thing. This isn't because he dislikes you more, it's because he EXPECTS more from you. It serves no purpose to fuss at a girl who just can't do it, but a girl who is capable of great things should be pushed to reach her potential...................

 

To whom much is given, Much is required! I think you can find that in the Bible somewhere...

 

I coached high school and college for over 20 years and have used yelling as a motivational tool but also if a player can learn to deal with that pressure during practice then when they go to the free throw line with 5 seconds left and the score tied their knees won't be weak. Since I stopped coaching the kids that I hear from the most are ones that I was hardest on. This includes male and female athletes. I can remember one time in practice years ago where I asked one young lady if she was stupid. She got mad as I expected and played even worse for a few minutes. When we took a break she came over and said "That was a question wasn't it?" I said yes and she said the answer is NO and I will stop making the same mistakes over and over. Today she is married and has 3 kids and still goes out of her way to talk to me when she sees me in town. I would not have used that tactic on all girls but I knew she was smart enough to figure it out. The only problem was with other girls and their parents as a few could not believe I called her stupid. Many people hear what they want instead of listening to the meaning of words and how they are used. Her parents had no problem because their daughter understood the end result. It depends on the way things are said, the reasoning behind it and whether the player will benefit from the tactic as wheather it should be used.

 

VERY GOOD post. We may be related

[worden55]

"stink" is a word that can describe a dead skunk in the road and it is often used as a figure of speech. When a coach says" you stink" or "you stunk up the place", they are not talking about odor, but a poor performance in a game. Some coaches are just mean that way, heck, I have even heard a parent say that certain coaches stink. I used to play in a band, and there were nights that I stunk up the place. I personally think this thread stinks.

[ballfanwm]

There's another one!

No, I am not another one. I am the grandfather of a player who was mistreated, humiliated, verbally and mentally abused most all her senior year. She was killed in a car wreck 5 months after graduation, and even now at pratice her name is still being downed by the coach. There is one thing he could not do--he could not make her quit. All this because she would not stink up to him.

[worden55]

No, I am not another one. I am the grandfather of a player who was mistreated, humiliated, verbally and mentally abused most all her senior year. She was killed in a car wreck 5 months after graduation, and even now at pratice her name is still being downed by the coach. There is one thing he could not do--he could not make her quit. All this because she would not stink up to him.

 

 

 

Very sorry about your grandaughter!

[Whitey]

It is hard to post on here with a comment about a specific situation in which you don't know the context in which something was said or done. Are there some situations in which it would be inappropriate to tell someone they stink? Of course. However, are there some situations where that might be the tactic that is perfect for that situation? Absolutely. That is what has made my job as a coach over the years tough. Trying to determine the best way to get through to the kids that I have worked with. Like one person said earlier, I have had some kids that would not be motivated until I made them mad and there have been other kids that if I just looked at them cross they would tune up and cry. There is no blanket answer that fits every person and every situation. I have agonized, lost sleep, talked with people who's judgment I trusted, and prayed about what to do in handling some of the situations that I have had to deal with. However, as a head coach it is my responsibility to make a decision and then live with the consequences of that decision. I have always had an open policy to encourage any parent to talk to me about their child's needs but at the same time I have stressed to them that my overall concern is for the team's best interest. Have I always made the "right" decision? Nope, I will admit that sometimes I misjudged a situation and said and did something where something else would have been better. However, you relish in the successes and you pick yourself up from the mistakes and keep trying. You can't spend your life worrying about whether you should have "zigged" when you "zagged."

 

Have I ever had a boss to tell me that I stink? Yes and a whole lot worse than that. I have had my rear end chewed out a lot worse in the work place than I ever experienced from any of the coaches that I dealt with as a player. And I came up from the Old School when a coach would bust your rear with a paddle.

[muffin]

As far as against the rules it is not,it has been my experince that some kids have to be pampered before they respond to what the coach wants done,and some has to be chewed out with choice words before they respond,and some others cannot have a word said to them,they either already know what the situation needs,or if they are done either way they go into a shell,and might as well be benched.

 

That is the way kids are in todays society,each child is differrent.

 

Hope this makes sense?

Best post I have ever made and no one comments on it,tell me do you agree or disagree?

[NOMOORE]

Best post I have ever made and no one comments on it,tell me do you agree or disagree?

 

It would make more sense if you didn't use so many commas. It's the sentence that never ends! You stink muffin!

[Morton]

This is a tough call. While no one wants to see their child verbally abused, I think I can tolerate that better than a coach who has no guts to give a player feedback and leave them thinking the worst. Coaches that remove girls from starting spots, reduce their playing time, change their positions, etc... without ONE word of explanation to the player are even worse. I'd rather have a coach tell my kid - 'you stink and here's why..." then leave my child wondering what they did wrong (if anything). Even if the reasoning is politics or team seniority, this is still a valuable life lesson. The kids need to learn and grow, and cannot without feedback.

 

I agree that belittling players would not be my style, but I'd prefer it to the cowardly, non-confrontational coach any day of the week.