How 'bout this one

[takedown3]

We'll split classifications along descriptive lines

 

A) Really really public small schools located in rural areas with bad bus service

 

A-1) Kind of small urban public schools that have access to some really really good athletes but not consistently

 

A-3) Kind of small magnet schools located in urban areas that other public schools will be jealous of if they play in the first two classifications

 

P-1) Small private schools located in urban areas that A) and A-1) will be jealous of a if they can't beat at least 1 of every 3 games.

 

A-4) Somewhat larger public schools predominately located in urban areas but no rural schools that will get their feelings hurt if someone makes derogatory remarks about their lack of sophistication and butt ugly uniforms

 

A-5) Public schools that want to win at least half of their games on a consistent basis. This classification creates a math problem which can be overcome by making A) Public schools play teams in this classification. South Pittsburg won't be able to play in this classification because they might actually win these games.

 

A-5)Really really big public schools that don't want to get embarrassed by DII AAA schools on a consistent basis. Playing DII AA schools will be permitted but only if assured the DII AA isn't very good. Recruiting in this classification will only be permitted if both head coach and pricipal are good friends of Ronnie Carter or if one is on the board of control.

 

P-2)Big private schools who have not more than one half of their players on scholarship and have given up trying to schedule public schools but whose travel budget is less than $50K.

 

P-3) Really big private schools that make really big public schools go nuts and have more than their share of arrogant students that forget only for the sacrifice of their parents are they able to attend

 

P-4)BA (They'll only srimmage incessantly

 

AP-6) Schools coached by guys with room temperature IQ's

Obviously, this will have the largest number of participants and will be the classification where most schools public and private will feel at home.

 

Of course we can add classifications yearly to accomodate those schools who feel they've been treated unfairly. This number shouldn't be more that 80% or 90% every year.

 

This suggestion comes to you from your local trophy shops whose motto is "Split the darn thing into 50 parts and let'em play!"

[itzme]

That is very funny!! Good mark!

[VolunteerGeneral]

Loved that post! Thanks for the humor.

 

VG

[uncfan13]

You forgot D-1) Semi-large schools coached by guys dumber than dirt who from time to time have a case of brain lock and go for it on 3rd and 2 within their own 35 in the 1rst quarter. One school in particular comes to mind but if you can't say something nice......

[imasoftballer]

I hope they all go for it on 3rd and 2, no matter where they are on the field and no matter what quarter!!! Now they would be dumb if the punted on 3rd and 2 thinking they could punt again on fourth down!