I have chosen the Rhinoceros as our symbol. I feel that a Rhinoceros epitomizies the professional politician....a slow-witted animal that can move fast as heck when in danger.
I promise to put the "mock" back in "demockracy".
I vow to sell the Senate at an antiques auction in California.
I promise to plant coffee, chocolate and oranges in Florida, so the US can become a "banana republic".
I promise to introduce an era of indecision and incompetence.
Our platform will be "sex, drugs and rock n roll" for the masses.
I'm going propose a Guaranteed Annual Orgasm for all Americans. I believe this will also help the Health Care problems. Let us get our priorities straight.
I promise to repeal the law of gravity, provide free trips to Vegas and nationalize all toll bridges.
I propose for our energy saving program, larger tires for the back of all vehicles. Going downhill all the time will save us a bundle.
Additionally, I'm going to propose legislation that we lower the boiling point of water, to save energy.
To further my energy program and to provide jobs for needy Americans, I propose we flatten the Rockies, west of Colorado, to give them a couple additional minutes of daylight.
I pledge that none of my candidates will be running on steriods.
I pledge to provide tax breaks for enthusiastic sleepers.
I promise to turn the Congressional dining room into a national franchize.
I pledge that Jeff Foxworthy will be my Education Secretary and "southern" will become the national language. It's Coke, people, not soda!
All highway flagmen will serve beer. If you are held up in traffic for more than 5 minutes, free beer.
Thank you my fellow Americans.
(In order be become a member of good standing in the Rhino Party, you must come up with your own "platform" ideas)