Coaches Humiliating Players

[hackashaq]

What's next?? Are some high school coaches responsible for insurgencies in Iraq,or was one of them the second shooter on the grassy knoll? I just feel that this is getting blown way out of proportion. I don't see how you can say that coach's have a hidden agenda. I think most of the agendas are to win...and if they are not in it for that then they are in the wrong business. As far as T.O. goes...look how that situation turned out. He was a determining factor in the leaving of Bill Parcells. Are you telling me that it is wrong to get in the face of a "thug" like T.O.? What he needs is to be sitting at home writing more children books, because there is no place in sports for guys like him. But in your eyes I'm sure it is always the coach's fault.

 

You are missing the point. Never said all coaches have hidden agenda, just some. The coach I am thinking of that has a hidden agenda, wins with a soft schedule, then fails at tournament time, he is in the wrong business (he is in it for his own ego). As for TO, Parcells knew that yelling at him would only cause massive trouble on the team (ref. Philadelphia team, they learned early on). The problem for Parcells/Jones is that he was trying to win the big one with a short cut (taking a chance on thugs that would get them over the hump). It is kind of sad that Parcells sold his soul to try to get to the top (and I don't really think he wanted to, but Jones forced it on him), but that is what the big bucks do to you. What I am saying is that yelling at high school athletes does not help either (especially the thugs), simple putting them on the bench and letting playing time be the dictator - if he doesn't get the message, then let him go. Of course, some coaches don't want to do that, so they try to use force. I am going to bet that there are very few coaches that would have the kahoonas to get up in Sprewells face and work on his psyche - that is when you can take a gut check and rethink how you treat people with this general Patton stuff. Have you ever seen a limp hand shaking high school coach that bends down to the Sprewell thug athlete?? I have..... You still didn't answer the main question - if yelling at a student/athlete is so successful in teaching him what to do, why don't they do it in the class room??

 

Bush is the blame for everything else - Iraq........ ha!

[kbc00]

If a kid cannot take getting yelled at and "embarrassed" then he/she does not need to be playing. My daughter played for one of the best coaches in the state, but because there were a few parents that did not like their daughters being yelled at and told how terrible they were, he was asked to leave. What a shame! My son played for one of the best coaches in the state of Tennessee. He literally would get in my son's face and yell at him nose to nose.. What did that do for my son? It made him a better player and a better person.... Many times it is not the kid that is humiliated, rather the parent. Imagine how good coaches could be if the parents would just leave them alone. In the world of work, your kid may get embarrassed by his boss when he messes up. ( I have) Does that mean you need to go after your bosses' job? That is what too many parents do to coaches. Leave them the heck alone and let them coach. I get so so sick of hearing parents crying because their little kid was mistreated on the ballcourt. Just yesterday I heard a parent complaining because the coach told her son that "he stunk." I don't like the use of that word either, but ALL the kids use it. I would bet that mom's son uses the word too. Maybe that was the word that he could relate to and would get his attention. My daughter went up to her "new coach" (after her other was asked to leave) and told him during a game, "Yell at me.. tell me I stink..." (By the way, she did indeed need to be told that during that particular game) Again, parents should be parents and leave the coaching to the coaches. If your child gets humiliated by a coach, then maybe he should sing in the choir or something. But by all means----- do not plan on him playing in colllege, because if you think he is humiliated in HS---just wait..

maybe just maybe 1 out of 10 players get a shot at college and there it is a job. the school is paying for their education for the performance on the floor. high school coaches do not have to coach like a college coach.

[JHITE7]

maybe just maybe 1 out of 10 players get a shot at college and there it is a job.

 

And it is a coach's JOB to get that 1 ready to play college ball, and the other 9 ready for life. And no there is not much yelling in the classroom, but it wouldn't hurt if there was some raising of the voice. It's funny how the society's view on some things has changed over the years. People look at things differently now. We as a generation are soft. We are media dependent, and have to have things our own way, or we learn at an early age to complain. What we need is more coaches that WILL stand up to the "thugs" and the "sprewells." Let the players know who is the coach, and who will call the shots.

[winy_42]

My son had a coach in middle school that consistantly was sarcastic to my son and often ridiculed him in public. Let me give you a for instance; 2 seconds left on the clock on an inbounds, my son asks for and receives the ball, but it goes through his hands, the coach sneers, "thanks for losing the game for us"

Throughout the season I didnt intercede but kept tabs on my son, asking him if he was ok with this coach. He said, "I can take it, he is like bobby knight". To me the coach was out of line and with a more sensitive player he could have taken out the joy for the game. If that coach had gotten into my sons head for no reason exept for the coaches frustration I would have been all over him, but I kept close tabs on my son and he was able to distinguish real instruction and even criticism from what was more often the coach's frustration.

There are ppl on this thread of both extremes. "coaches should never yell" etc to the others who say the coach is always assumed to be right. The truth most often lies in between these extremes.

[hackashaq]

winy 42 - You know the old saying, stupid is as stupid does - let's just say that Gump was thinking of your coach.... Your son did not lose the game for his team - the team lost the game. Basketball is a team sport and a good coach will not allow one person to carry the burden of a loss. Your son alone feels the deep pain of making the mistake and doesn't need a reminder (sadly) from the coach he is supposed to look up to. Telling your son he lost the game is insane. A good coach, yes is upset that the game goes down on last second mess up, but he realizes that it is water under the bridge and that there will be another day. I am not sure about your son, he may have ice water running in his veins and that is great, but for the other 99% of 13 years olds, if the same game situation occurs, they will feel the pressure doubled and failure will be inevitable. Frankly, your coach is total moron and makes me sick! I hope your son has a chance to play for a top notch coach - he deserves it. There are extremes to everything - and believe me Bobby Knight (which is obviously not the norm ) doesn't pick on 12 -13 yr olds that make mistakes. How long do you sit back and let your child take it??? Do you let him do a Woody Hayes beat down on your kid and turn your head?? Or how about you just let the coach give him 5 licks with a paddle to even things up for the loss (I'd rather take that, than have a coach tell me I loss the game in front of my peers); this should prevent him from making a mistake at the end of the game next time. Like I said there are extremes........

 

 

Jhite -

 

You are under way too much pressure. You say you have to get 9 players ready for life and 1 to play college ball, assuming we are talking about major college ball, then you are obviously in the wrong place, the pros need you! As for the other 9 players - you might want to ask a parent for some help or maybe some of the teachers to take that burden off your shoulders - but some want all the credit. What in the world happens to the other million children that don't have coaches and are not interested in sports - do they just fall off the end of the earth?? I would guess there are no chances for them to become doctors or lawyers. OK, ok - I am only kidding with you. Basketball is only a game. It is not the determining factor in how successful a person is going to be in life - it is a very small part of a child's overall development (it can be a very memorable part of their life). By the way, did you hear about the high school player shoving the ref to the floor tonight on ESPN??? You are right, society is changine rapidly - freshman play early (sometimes they just skip right on to pros) - I am going to say, if you are around long enough, and take a chance on beating down a "thug", you might get a beat down yourself and society will be saying - hey he is pro, we want him (sad)!!! I still say the best deal is to cut a run - sit him on the bench, if he doesn't get the message, then he is off the team. The team will grow from this experience as a whole, and hopefully the thug will come to his senses without tearing down the team.

[JHITE7]

 

Jhite -

 

You are under way too much pressure. You say you have to get 9 players ready for life and 1 to play college ball, assuming we are talking about major college ball, then you are obviously in the wrong place, the pros need you! As for the other 9 players - you might want to ask a parent for some help or maybe some of the teachers to take that burden off your shoulders - but some want all the credit. What in the world happens to the other million children that don't have coaches and are not interested in sports - do they just fall off the end of the earth?? I would guess there are no chances for them to become doctors or lawyers. OK, ok - I am only kidding with you. Basketball is only a game. It is not the determining factor in how successful a person is going to be in life - it is a very small part of a child's overall development (it can be a very memorable part of their life). By the way, did you hear about the high school player shoving the ref to the floor tonight on ESPN??? You are right, society is changine rapidly - freshman play early (sometimes they just skip right on to pros) - I am going to say, if you are around long enough, and take a chance on beating down a "thug", you might get a beat down yourself and society will be saying - hey he is pro, we want him (sad)!!! I still say the best deal is to cut a run - sit him on the bench, if he doesn't get the message, then he is off the team. The team will grow from this experience as a whole, and hopefully the thug will come to his senses without tearing down the team.

 

I think you either misunderstood what i meant by the 9 out of 10 or I didn't explain it well enough. What I meant is that I get tired of hearing well they only legitimately have one player that can play at the next level. Does this mean that coaches should not coach because they don't have the talent to pass on to college? What I meant is that whether you have a kid that goes on to play at upper level D1 schools, or a kid that decides to not go to college and begin working immediately, you still coach them pretty much the same way. And by no means am I saying that if kids don't play sports then they will not be successful. I just personally feel responsible to prepare my players for whatever it is they do in the future. I think it is the point to where we are almost beating a dead horse with this thread, but I'll say it again. I think that there are bad coaches out there that do humiliate players. (i.e. the coach saying the kid lost the game). Coaches like those make the entire profession look bad. As I have stated before, there is an obvious line between discipline and humiliation. At times however, many parents and people looking on can't tell the difference and sometimes make judgments that should not be made.

[dwhask]

High school student aren't young adults, they are kids.

As a teacher I see very few, maybe 1 out of 50 kids I would call adults when they graduate. I don't care if they figured out how to reproduce, or how to join the miltary and get shot at or killed, or how to do a drive by and sell dope. These are kids! Not adult nor young adults. A 20 year old today doesn't even come close to the maturity of a 20 year old 50 years ago. Therefore they should be treated as they are kids. They should be respected and she be damanded that they be respectful.

 

A 20 year old may not be an adult (I do agree with this statement whole heartedly)but a 20 year old or a 15 - 19 year old should be old enough to be treated as a young man or young woman and not a kid. They should be able to be respectful as you say but they should also be able to accept criticism in all types of ways. I've always tried to live by the mantra of not listening to how someone is saying something but what they are saying and I've tried to raise my son and daughters the same. Granted I don't want some power hungry idiot ranting and raving over them because of a mistake in a game but in the world they may end up with the same thing on the job or in the military or whatever path they choose. It may be better for them to either learn that they can tolerate it now or stand up to it and act on it. Either way the worse thing we can do is shelter them until they are old enough to go into the world then release them with no coping tools.

[hackashaq]

I think you either misunderstood what i meant by the 9 out of 10 or I didn't explain it well enough. What I meant is that I get tired of hearing well they only legitimately have one player that can play at the next level. Does this mean that coaches should not coach because they don't have the talent to pass on to college? What I meant is that whether you have a kid that goes on to play at upper level D1 schools, or a kid that decides to not go to college and begin working immediately, you still coach them pretty much the same way. And by no means am I saying that if kids don't play sports then they will not be successful. I just personally feel responsible to prepare my players for whatever it is they do in the future. I think it is the point to where we are almost beating a dead horse with this thread, but I'll say it again. I think that there are bad coaches out there that do humiliate players. (i.e. the coach saying the kid lost the game). Coaches like those make the entire profession look bad. As I have stated before, there is an obvious line between discipline and humiliation. At times however, many parents and people looking on can't tell the difference and sometimes make judgments that should not be made.

 

 

Good thoughts - I agree with you .. and admire you for what you are doing because there are (sadly) quiet a few thugs that don't care about team play and if you can give them a "life changing event" in there education without blowing a gasket, more power to you. It just takes too much energy to focus on a superior athlete that has the thug mentality - it is just poison to the rest of the team. Good luck.