"Quit Smiling!"

[Cowboys Up]

That situation had to be tough. I was not at the game, but I'm sure I've seen similar things at various games. CU, you are right, it is about the kids. That's the number one thing to remember, but we all can get caught up in the moment. Every parent and fan of a team invests a great deal of time, energy, and passion into the team. When you have that type of emotional investment, it's easy to get carried away. I know I've done it. I'm usually the loudest person in the gym (hence the call sign...), but I doubt the girls on the court notice it much, if at all. I've already said I wasn't there, so I may be wrong on whether or not the team noticed/paid attention to it. I'd be willing to bet that there wasn't any pure malice attached that parent's comment, just passion for the game. But if you do ever find yourself in that situation again where you feel someone is out of line, say so. Even if it is me. ESPECIALLY if it's me. Although I have a feeling that I'd be hearing it from another authority figure if I do go too far with comments made from the peanut gallery...

 

If I'm this way now, imagine what it will be like when my kids are actually playing.... Someone may have to put me in shackles!

My daughter heard things from the parents while she was on the court. She heard hurtful things occasionally when she made mistakes and had to bury that pain and focus on the game. It was difficult for her.

 

My voice could cut through a crowded gym to be sure. I used it - hopefully only to encourage in a positive way (and to yell at GLJ! ). I was scorekeeping most of the time and couldn't yell from the table.

 

I also know that this happens on most teams. Yelling at the girls to do better...all the time, better...will they ever be good enough for us adults?

Edited October 7, 2006 by Cowboys Up

[PHargis]

My daughter heard things from the parents while she was on the court. She heard hurtful things occasionally when she made mistakes and had to bury that pain and focus on the game. It was difficult for her.

 

My voice could cut through a crowded gym to be sure. I used it - hopefully only to encourage in a positive way (and to yell at GLJ! ). I was scorekeeping most of the time and couldn't yell from the table.

Not trying to be smart in any way with my post but a few miles away at Burentwood high School the crowds were doing some of the same things. End of season, great matches with competitive teams, the crowd really in to the matches, maybe not especially yelling at players but surely yelling encouragement, and at times chastising the officials.

While this may not seem right and while volleyball is not used to noisy crowds of partisons, there seem to be more fans attending and these fans love their teams and their players. I would ask this question. What if there were 1200 fans at the game and all on both sides were yelling encouragement for their teams? Iit is going to be impossible to control crowd noise of the type you are talking about but only to advise your daughters to concentrate on what they are doing and tune out everying around them. They shouldn't be listening to something that has nothing to do with the game. The more that attend the more different personalities that will be there and they are more than the parents you have now. If you don't agree with what somebody is saying, tell them so. Its likely they don't even know what they are saying.

I will wager, if i were a wagerer, that this will not be the largest crowd these two teams will play before. If schools do what they ought to, the days of empty gyms to see volleyball games are over with. The games, the players, the coaches, the schools, and the rivalries are becoming too great so what would I do? I would sit my daughter down a talk to her about tuning out crowd noise and concentrating on the game. I would discuss with her things to be said if she might be interviewed by the press after a match. I would discuss with her about how people sometimes say things that are misunderstood, players, coaches, fans, students, parents, etc. I would tell her that part of lifes lessons is sometimes being a little more thick skinned about things you might hear. That very likely after the match or the competition, what has been said means little and no one even remembers it. Maybe this is something we are not teaching to help our daughters enjoy the competition of sports.

[famfan]

CU, I have to empathize with you. I think most of us agree, it's about the girls, not the parents. If it was my daughter the other father yelled at, I'm not sure what I would have done but I'm betting it wouldn't have been very friendly. If I was the coach of the team, I think I would have to make a pretty strong statement, like call timeout and go over and talk to him directly (in front of everyone)! That had to be embarassing for the player.

 

 

I can top that one! Last year while we were in a game (and we were behind at the moment) my daughter and another girl were waiting to receive the serve and they smiled at each other as a "let's get it going right here" smile ...and the coach pulled them both off the court and onto the bench for the remainder of the game. She stated that "there is nothing to smile about here"...loud enough that those in the stands knew why they were pulled. They were only trying to pick everyone up and were indeed taking the game serious. Apparently with this coach (who, by the way, is no longer a volleyball coach) fun and high school volleyball do not go in the same paragraph!!

[imiss89]

I have to say something. I agree that its about the kids and all that. I get it I have two of my own so I understand. And it was wrong IMO for that dad to yell that at his daughter who if I read right was a freshman.

But as a JV coach who deals with the young ones daily, you have got to admit that getting them to focus on the game and the importance of every point is sometimes difficult. I dont think I would bench someone for smilling after shanking a pass BUT I would be highly agitated at that reaction. Its disturbing when young girls dont focus like they should. I have a smiler on my team who smiles all day long. At school in the hall, before practice, after practice and yes during practice as she is shanking balls left and right. However she has many MANY attributes that make her a good player.

 

I wish there was a pill or switch that you could flip in these kids to make them realize its not funny to shank balls. I agree with Coach K, "next play" but dont let their mental error you just commited be lost in oblivion.

 

Pardon me as a JV coach I need to vent at times.

 

By the way nothing wrong with smiling its lack of focus that bothers me. They are not one in the same but at times can be confused with one another.

Edited October 7, 2006 by imiss89

[ComPassion]

...BUT I would be highly agitated at that reaction. Its disturbing when young girls dont focus like they should. I have a smiler on my team who smiles all day long. At school in the hall, before practice, after practice and yes during practice as she is shanking balls left and right. However she has many MANY attributes that make her a good player.

 

I wish there was a pill or switch that you could flip in these kids to make them realize its not funny to shank balls. I agree with Coach K, "next play" but dont let their mental error you just commited be lost in oblivion.

 

By the way nothing wrong with smiling its lack of focus that bothers me. They are not one in the same but at times can be confused with one another.

What if it IS funny to shank a ball?

Alot of us have learned so much from Bond at Ga. Tech, their culture is unique, refreshing and effective. I remember one moment very vividly where one of his players shanked a pass at a somewhat crucial time ..she smiled into a chuckle as she looked at the coach and he was already smiling and chuckling. You can read into that what you want... but, I think there is alot of wisdom to be found in that outlook. Once the shank is being shagged it seems to me that the best actions are actions that allow the player to be comfortable and confident to do her best next point ...I don't see how making them feel guilty or mornful or punished or down or adopting a fake over-seriousness helps them play their best on the next play. In games we certainly shouldn't even tell them what they did wrong, they know they messed up and they know what they did and talking about the lousy past only increases the odds they won't be ready and confident to do their best on the next play that starts in 6-9 seconds. Let's let em smile if it helps in games and teach them how to care or focus in practice.

[oldsetter]

 

But as a JV coach who deals with the young ones daily, you have got to admit that getting them to focus on the game and the importance of every point is sometimes difficult. I dont think I would bench someone for smilling after shanking a pass BUT I would be highly agitated at that reaction. Its disturbing when young girls dont focus like they should. I have a smiler on my team who smiles all day long. At school in the hall, before practice, after practice and yes during practice as she is shanking balls left and right. However she has many MANY attributes that make her a good player.

 

I wish there was a pill or switch that you could flip in these kids to make them realize its not funny to shank balls. I agree with Coach K, "next play" but dont let their mental error you just commited be lost in oblivion.

 

Pardon me as a JV coach I need to vent at times.

 

By the way nothing wrong with smiling its lack of focus that bothers me. They are not one in the same but at times can be confused with one another.

 

I like players that smile shank or kill. Focus yes, but stay loose. I think a smiling player may be looser than a frowner. Imagine a girl that enjoys the game enough to smile while she plays – winning or losing. I’ll take a whole team of those please! Stay focused, adjust, but laugh or smile or do what ever to stay POSITIVE and UP.

 

Here is a story (sorry), I was coaching a team and a girl just made our 3rd bone head error, so I was calling here name (you know how coaches like to give that obvious sage advice after an error) and she was ignoring me of course. I could see her tighten up and I did not want her to be afraid to mess up thus ensuring another error. So I got the girls by me to yell here name on the count of 3. 1……2…..3……Mary! So she kind of blushes a little and hesitates to looks at me. I decided to forget about giving the ‘tip’ so I just wave and say, “I just wanted to say, Hi!”

 

So she grins and gives me a “coach, you are so weird” kind of head shake. I don’t remember the outcome of the game, but I do remember that moment. There are plenty of times I have taken my frustration out on my players, refs, and teammates or tried to yell inspiration or fear of failure in players, but sadly, I have just the one good story.

 

Surely you can be a very competitive, winning champion and well adjusted?

 

For when the One Great Scorer comes

To write against your name,

He marks-not that you won or lost-

But how you played the game.

Grantland Rice, "Alumunus Football," Only the Brave and Other Poems, p. 144 (1941)

[bballfan03]

Perhaps, just perhaps, that "smile" is her game face. The "fake" (the other team didn't know it was fake) smile that my daughter put on was to say "I'm ok and that mistake won't happen again.

 

But it does drive my husband (her dad) crazy. He can't see how smiling and laughing is taking it seriously

[imiss89]

OK ComPassion

 

I see your point

 

I will try (next year to do better)

 

I wasnt really going against the thread of this line just voicing another side

 

I love the game and always want the best of my kids (yes kids) so I do mess up at times

 

Long live Volleyball and pray for a guys league soon !!!!!

[flightmaster]

I have to express a disturbing and disheartening experience I had last night watching a vb match.

 

During some part of the 2nd game, a freshman went in for a junior RH to play back row. The serve came to her and she shanked it. It wasn't a critical time in the match...it was just one point in the middle of the game. Well, she smiled...her teammates came to slap her hand or her rumpus to say that it was ok...and she smiled.

 

A dad - not her dad - yelled really loud for her to "Quit smiling!!!" OMG, I thought...my daughter used to smile a lot on the court, too, even when she made a mistake. It was her way of dealing. I sat there and wondered why in the world anyone would tell a 14 year old girl who is playing a game to "Quit smiling!"

 

It's a game, is it not? It's supposed to be fun, is it not?

 

I got nauseated and felt a strong need to leave the gym, which I did soon after.

 

I cry now thinking about it and wonder what is in us adults that make us act like that? How could we treat our children like that?

 

I guess, from my perspective, it's just wrong to blame the girl (freshman) who shanked the pass, and then smiled...a senior captain...maybe, but more so, where was the rest of her team who should have been moving to cover any possibility of a shank???

Maybe she smiled because she knew the rest of her team let her down and also let the coach down. Cover your team-mates back(s) girlz!...you still got 2 more chances to get the ball over , and land it in 900 square feet of court... Problem solved.

[Cowboys Up]

I guess, from my perspective, it's just wrong to blame the girl (freshman) who shanked the pass, and then smiled...a senior captain...maybe, but more so, where was the rest of her team who should have been moving to cover any possibility of a shank???

Maybe she smiled because she knew the rest of her team let her down and also let the coach down. Cover your team-mates back(s) girlz!...you still got 2 more chances to get the ball over , and land it in 900 square feet of court... Problem solved.

Senior captains shouldn't smile and show they're having fun playing the game? I believe it might be even more important for a captain to keep the team loose and having fun, yet focused on the task at hand. I've always noticed that teams that have fun playing the game seem to win more. Every individual girl I've ever seen with one or two exceptions plays better when they are relaxed and just "playing."

 

The team tried to recover the shank...it just wasn't successful. It was a mistake by this girl, and the recovery attempt was a good one by her teammates. They didn't let each other down, nor did they let the coach down by making a mistake.

 

Flightmaster, with all due respect, you missed the point.

[flightmaster]

 

 

Flightmaster, with all due respect, you missed the point.

got the point,i've just seen way too many shanked passes, with no or little coverage... thats my point.

Every coach expects different things out of their captains. Fun is not at issue when players make mistakes...just ask them...there's nothing "fun" about shanked passes, missed serves, balls hit into the net, and when a captain (who the whole team is looking to for leadership) has these types of errors...and if they are smiling....yea, I might be a little concerned...cause I know, any captain I picked does not enjoy committing unforced errors, thus any fun being had was by the other team, at her expense, and this would be a reason to be concerned (if I wanted to win the game, and I usually do)

[catnash1]

CU,

I’m sorry you couldn’t stay until the end of the game. You would have been so proud and excited to see the joy on their faces.

 

I also agree with you. Volleyball is a game…it’s not life or death. Yes, it’s great to win, but we also grow as people when we make mistakes (ie. losing a match, or shanking a ball, etc). It builds character and helps us be better people for the rest of our life. God gave each of our girls the wonderful ability to play volleyball, and I think He’d want them to enjoy playing…with a smile.

 

We, as parents, are also responsible for being good role models for our children. What kind of message are we giving them by being “negatively vocal” about smiling during a game? That they shouldn’t have fun and enjoy what they’re doing? How sad is that? We should be encouraging them to have fun and enjoy the wonderful game of volleyball. After all, it's our job as parents to be a support to our kids. If they’re not having fun, they shouldn’t be playing. Life is too short.

 

And, from my observations, I’ve noticed that some girls tend to play a little better if they are in a good mood, happy, smiling, etc. When they get upset, frustrated, etc, they tend to not be as focused.

 

Thank you for opening up a great topic of discussion.