"Quit Smiling!"

[Cowboys Up]

I have to express a disturbing and disheartening experience I had last night watching a vb match.

 

During some part of the 2nd game, a freshman went in for a junior RH to play back row. The serve came to her and she shanked it. It wasn't a critical time in the match...it was just one point in the middle of the game. Well, she smiled...her teammates came to slap her hand or her rumpus to say that it was ok...and she smiled.

 

A dad - not her dad - yelled really loud for her to "Quit smiling!!!" OMG, I thought...my daughter used to smile a lot on the court, too, even when she made a mistake. It was her way of dealing. I sat there and wondered why in the world anyone would tell a 14 year old girl who is playing a game to "Quit smiling!"

 

It's a game, is it not? It's supposed to be fun, is it not?

 

I got nauseated and felt a strong need to leave the gym, which I did soon after.

 

I cry now thinking about it and wonder what is in us adults that make us act like that? How could we treat our children like that?

Edited October 6, 2006 by Cowboys Up

[tacjdc]

Amen! Last night I was also watching a vb match (imagine that!) and a parent stood up in the crowd and screamed at the ref. I don't mean the way that we normally loudly share our opinion of a call, as parents will do from time to time - I mean red faced on the floor, pointing a finger, screaming at a ref. I will be the first one to tell you that I feel this ref was struggling a bit but this mans actions were totally out of line.

[Bighurt]

Someone should have told the father who yelled at that player that his behavior was not acceptable. If it was my daughter getting yelled at, it would take me about 2 seconds to be in his face and that is something that I have never done. That guy needs to get a life and take a chill pill.

[Cowboys Up]

Someone should have told the father who yelled at that player that his behavior was not acceptable. If it was my daughter getting yelled at, it would take me about 2 seconds to be in his face and that is something that I have never done. That guy needs to get a life and take a chill pill.

I know I should have said something...I know he has probably yelled the same thing at my daughter over the years. I have always been at the score table and haven't heard that kind of viciousness toward our own kids.

 

I just sat in stunned silence - stoopid me! I thought I would throw up - that would have made quite a statement!

 

Let me edit that by saying that I have heard things like this before from parents. I just had to think a little to remember. My daughter has heard things like that before, too.

Edited October 7, 2006 by Cowboys Up

[play4keeps]

As the parent of a "newly-minted" freshman I can appreciate your distress. I know that the freshman who was put in a varsity game is nervous. Even if she plays varsity regularly (as mine does) she's nervous. But she's also happy. And excited. She's a FRESHMAN playing in the big leagues. The smile after a shanked ball could be embarrassment or simply that this moment is so big to her that she can't wipe the smile off her face.

 

My daughter smiles, a lot, on (and off) the court. Ask anyone who plays or coachs her. She loves to play. She hates when a team gets "down" and will always try to pull them back up. She even has a nickname that "fits" that description.

 

If a spectator had yelled that at MY child, he'd know exactly WHOSE child he was yelling at.

[5-Sport Dad]

Someone should have told the father who yelled at that player that his behavior was not acceptable. If it was my daughter getting yelled at, it would take me about 2 seconds to be in his face and that is something that I have never done. That guy needs to get a life and take a chill pill.

 

I'm with ya!

 

My daughter hates to lose and does the same thing (smile!...a beautiful smile ) when she makes a mistake. But, I know it's her way of dealing with it and I'm VERY proud of her for not taking it too seriously or throwing a tantrum (like she's perfect). Smile, move on and make the other team pay is what I tell her. Coach K at Duke even has a saying about a mistake: Next play!

[bd4vols]

If mine stop smiling on the court..then you'll probably hear me yell at them to smile. Volleyball is such a game of momentum and keeping positive frame of mind is paramount to having success.

[VballDaddy78]

CU, I have to empathize with you. I think most of us agree, it's about the girls, not the parents. If it was my daughter the other father yelled at, I'm not sure what I would have done but I'm betting it wouldn't have been very friendly. If I was the coach of the team, I think I would have to make a pretty strong statement, like call timeout and go over and talk to him directly (in front of everyone)! That had to be embarassing for the player.

[PageMan]

During some part of the 2nd game, a freshman went in for a junior RH to play back row. The serve came to her and she shanked it. It wasn't a critical time in the match...it was just one point in the middle of the game. Well, she smiled...her teammates came to slap her hand or her rumpus to say that it was ok...and she smiled.

 

A dad - not her dad - yelled really loud for her to "Quit smiling!!!" OMG, I thought...my daughter used to smile a lot on the court, too, even when she made a mistake. It was her way of dealing. I sat there and wondered why in the world anyone would tell a 14 year old girl who is playing a game to "Quit smiling!"

 

 

CU, as I was sitting next to you when the situation occurred, I know exactly who the players were and the dad involved. I guess after watching Page lose games on errors this season, he was upset in that he thought the players weren't taking the game seriously. I must also confess that I yelled at a lines person when I thought they weren't watching the lines properly on a point where the ball appeared out, but no call was made and the chair official called it in. After a season of ups and downs with Page, we all get emotional about close plays or plays where the girls' efforts don't appear satisfactory to the Page supporters.

 

I am sorry you felt the need to leave because of our actions in the stands. It was an emotional match with us supporters taking it too seriously. I wish you could have stayed to see the final outcome as I have never heard the girls yell with so much energy after they had met with IHS at the net after the match. In the ebb and flow of a match, we all get to caught up in the slightest error that the team makes. Finger pointing occurs to vent the frustration of the moment and I'm sorry for the actions of myself and the others in the stands.

 

I have seen other players who also smile after making an error. Catherine Hall of Brentwood does it all the time, not that she makes a lot of errors though. I guess it's a way of saying that the play is over, I made an error, and let's move on to the next point. I have also seen players who get down after an error, in particular, IHS's Grace Perilli in last night match after an attack error. Every player has their own way of dealing with errors - maybe some better than others. Every fan has their way as well - some keeping it inside and others venting publicly - some act better than others.

Edited October 6, 2006 by PageMan

[Cowboys Up]

CU, as I was sitting next to you when the situation occurred, I know exactly who the players were and the dad involved. I guess after watching Page lose games on errors this season, he was upset in that he thought the players weren't taking the game seriously. I must also confess that I yelled at a lines person when I thought they weren't watching the lines properly on a point where the ball appeared out, but no call was made and the chair official called it in. After a season of ups and downs with Page, we all get emotional about close plays or plays where the girls' efforts don't appear satisfactory to the Page supporters.

 

I am sorry you felt the need to leave because of our actions in the stands. It was an emotional match with us supporters taking it too seriously. I wish you could have stayed to see the final outcome as I have never heard the girls yell with so much energy after they had met with IHS at the net after the match. In the ebb and flow of a match, we all get to caught up in the slightest error that the team makes. Finger pointing occurs to vent the frustration of the moment and I'm sorry for the actions of myself and the others in the stands.

 

I have seen other players who also smile after making an error. Catherine Hall of Brentwood does it all the time, not that she makes a lot of errors though. I guess it's a way of saying that the play is over, I made an error, and let's move on to the next point. I have also seen players who get down after an error, in particular, IHS's Grace Perilli in last night match after an attack error. Every player has their own way of dealing with errors - maybe some better than others. Every fan has their way as well - some keeping it inside and others venting publicly - some act better than others.

Dearest PM,

You know I love you dearly. I love those parents of the Page girls. Some are dear friends. It is especially hard to hear those you love make caustic remarks to the young ladies. Much harder, I suspect, than it is to hear it from strangers.

 

I have yelled at refs and an occasional line judge (never the young ones). I even suggested once that our setter set to our hot hitter.

 

PM, we forget in the stands that it isn't about WE...it's about THEM. WE get upset if errors are happening...WE get anxious when our team start losing momentum...WE get angry when WE feel that the call was wrong. The question is, how do WE deal with those situations? Do WE show our humanity or do WE show something less? What will WE model?

 

I am not innocent here - I get involved - I've had to apologize to my friend GLJ! Of all people to yell at - I was so embarrassed of my behavior. Of course, WE are human and WE make mistakes. I pray WE can learn from them.

 

Let's remember the words of ComPassion and VballDaddy78 - it's about the kids.

[TheNoise]

Dearest PM,

You know I love you dearly. I love those parents of the Page girls. Some are dear friends. It is especially hard to hear those you love make caustic remarks to the young ladies. Much harder, I suspect, than it is to hear it from strangers.

 

I have yelled at refs and an occasional line judge (never the young ones). I even suggested once that our setter set to our hot hitter.

 

PM, we forget in the stands that it isn't about WE...it's about THEM. WE get upset if errors are happening...WE get anxious when our team start losing momentum...WE get angry when WE feel that the call was wrong. The question is, how do WE deal with those situations? Do WE show our humanity or do WE show something less? What will WE model?

 

I am not innocent here - I get involved - I've had to apologize to my friend GLJ! Of all people to yell at - I was so embarrassed of my behavior. Of course, WE are human and WE make mistakes. I pray WE can learn from them.

 

Let's remember the words of ComPassion and VballDaddy78 - it's about the kids.

 

That situation had to be tough. I was not at the game, but I'm sure I've seen similar things at various games. CU, you are right, it is about the kids. That's the number one thing to remember, but we all can get caught up in the moment. Every parent and fan of a team invests a great deal of time, energy, and passion into the team. When you have that type of emotional investment, it's easy to get carried away. I know I've done it. I'm usually the loudest person in the gym (hence the call sign...), but I doubt the girls on the court notice it much, if at all. I've already said I wasn't there, so I may be wrong on whether or not the team noticed/paid attention to it. I'd be willing to bet that there wasn't any pure malice attached that parent's comment, just passion for the game. But if you do ever find yourself in that situation again where you feel someone is out of line, say so. Even if it is me. ESPECIALLY if it's me. Although I have a feeling that I'd be hearing it from another authority figure if I do go too far with comments made from the peanut gallery...

 

If I'm this way now, imagine what it will be like when my kids are actually playing.... Someone may have to put me in shackles!

[TheGreatLineJudge]

I am not innocent here - I get involved - I've had to apologize to my friend GLJ! Of all people to yell at - I was so embarrassed of my behavior. Of course, WE are human and WE make mistakes. I pray WE can learn from them.

 

Let's remember the words of ComPassion and VballDaddy78 - it's about the kids.

 

And the best part is, I didn't know it until after the match.

 

I hope when people yell at the kids, they're so into the game that they don't even notice someone yelling at them. Anyone who wants to scream at yell at the kids, a young freshman especially, needs to step out of the gym, breathe deeply, and re-consider why they came out to "support" the team to begin with.