Coaches telling her players that they stink

[bballmom10]

This is a tough call. While no one wants to see their child verbally abused, I think I can tolerate that better than a coach who has no guts to give a player feedback and leave them thinking the worst. Coaches that remove girls from starting spots, reduce their playing time, change their positions, etc... without ONE word of explanation to the player are even worse. I'd rather have a coach tell my kid - 'you stink and here's why..." then leave my child wondering what they did wrong (if anything). Even if the reasoning is politics or team seniority, this is still a valuable life lesson. The kids need to learn and grow, and cannot without feedback.

 

I agree that belittling players would not be my style, but I'd prefer it to the cowardly, non-confrontational coach any day of the week.

It is NEVER all right to degrade someone. As a parent I feel this way, but most of all I feel this way as a human being. My kids have had many coaches with many styles and the most effective were those that led by example and didn't use bullying to show their power over the players. It is possible to correct, even bring attention to mistakes or problems without degrading someone. If a coach said "You guys really stink right now", that isn't necessarily a problem. It's the tone and everyone knows the tone I'm talking about. There are a lot of coaches that rule by fear eventually there is backlash. I am sad that any of our children have had to be exposed to this. The world is a harsh place and frankly I would like the coaches and teachers to be a bright, positive part of my daughters lives. I can tell you that in the situations we have had where the coach acted unprofessionally, we toughed out the season and then went elsewhere. We spent a lot of time doing damage control as a result.

And....before you talk more about not sugar coating things let me assure you that is not what I am suggesting. It doesn't help anyone to be unrealistic. It also doesn't do anything but harm to beat down a girl's self-esteem.

In the end, this is a game we are talking about.

[scoresandstats]

It is NEVER all right to degrade someone. As a parent I feel this way, but most of all I feel this way as a human being. My kids have had many coaches with many styles and the most effective were those that led by example and didn't use bullying to show their power over the players. It is possible to correct, even bring attention to mistakes or problems without degrading someone. If a coach said "You guys really stink right now", that isn't necessarily a problem. It's the tone and everyone knows the tone I'm talking about. There are a lot of coaches that rule by fear eventually there is backlash. I am sad that any of our children have had to be exposed to this. The world is a harsh place and frankly I would like the coaches and teachers to be a bright, positive part of my daughters lives. I can tell you that in the situations we have had where the coach acted unprofessionally, we toughed out the season and then went elsewhere. We spent a lot of time doing damage control as a result.

And....before you talk more about not sugar coating things let me assure you that is not what I am suggesting. It doesn't help anyone to be unrealistic. It also doesn't do anything but harm to beat down a girl's self-esteem.

In the end, this is a game we are talking about.

Oh for crying out loud

What ever happened to tough love, if you think that the majority of coaches don't care a great deal about their players you are mistaken. So they are hard on them sooo.. what. Do you really run around all day and say " it's o.k. sweetie I'll fix it"? and to be honest these kids use more than their fair share of profanity and or harsh words against their coach, teachers, and each other.

This is a game of structure, disipline, dedication, and hard work. ( Life)

Teach them that at home and high school ball is not a cultural shock.. have you ever heard a college coach talk to their players? if this upsets them or you, good luck with the next level I'm proud mine know the difference in her coach yelling at her because he can.. than because he should. I want 100% from her, I want him to get 100% from her and if it takes him being hard on her then so be it.

I Hate it when parents say good job after a game that was bad, who's doing more harm? the coach that said that stinks or the parents that says good game when it wasn't ?

[stuntwoman]

I keep thinking about coaches like Ralph Benson, W.C Johnson, Willie Hudson and Coach Sisco who coached at Centerville years ago. Great Coaches who were firm and strict but never resorted to the tactics noted above.

You need to do more research on Willie Hudson

 

The world is a harsh place and frankly I would like the coaches and teachers to be a bright, positive part of my daughters lives.

Why just coaches and teachers?

[knight2]

I have coached for over 20 years and when I started one of my old coaches told me to tell the kids what you think and get on them BUT always finish on something they did well so they will try harder and that has always work for me their is some kids that can not handle a coach getting on them or a parent but if a kid love the sport the coach will get everything out of them and make the kid a better player.

One thing I have seen is the coach will baby some players and get on the others because they know they can handle it but that hurts some players because they do not understand that their coach has to baby some players or they will quit I think that coaches should always end on a postive note to the players that they realy get on to.

Edited December 30, 2006 by knight2

[Guest Termite]

You know what??? Life is tough. Yes this is just a game. Most coaches know what

buttons to push. This is not T-Ball. Not everyone gets to play. Not everyone is a star. A good coach will motivate each player to play their best. If a player is playing to their potential, doing their best and improving, you probably won"t hear anything but coaching. If a player is not playing up to their potential and doing the things a coach knows they are capable of, then the coach must push buttons. If a

coach doesn't say anything he may have already given up.

Yes, life is tough. You are going to get your feeling hurt. Learn to deal with it.If the only time anyone gets their feeling hurt is on a bb court, life will be good.

[coachcharlie]

As a longtime old school coach, I usually just read these things but I must speak up about this. Anyone who must resort to name calling, degrading, or just flat out being ugly to players is not much of a coach or a human in my opinion. This is a person without skill or morals. These are young impressionable people who will take this experiance with them the rest of their lives. The word coach itself means to bring out the best in players, to bring talent as far as it will go. Sometimes you have more heart than talent or more talent than heart. A good coaches job is just like a microversion of a good parent's job. That is to help this player become the best they can be by encouraging not degrading a young person.

 

I see coaches who are grown men and women throwing preschool tantrums on the court and verbally abusing young people at games. This must stop. It is a game of strategy, skill, and strength. The bullies need to get out of the game. In my day it was always about the kids. If you can't do your job well enough without abuse you aren't doing your job. Reconsider why you are out there. Parents should and must stand up to these bullies. Administrators should not allow this to happen.

 

Some posts have said life is tough get over it. Violence and abuse happen everyday but should they just stink it up? No. Don't put up with verbal abuse of your children. Report these coaches and hold adminstrators, the TSSAA, and school officials responsible for these things. You are your child's one and only advocate.

Edited December 30, 2006 by coachcharlie

[bucdaddio]

You know something? I've had a lot of coaches and teachers in my life, and I can hardly remember the ones who were easy on me. Because it's the ones who were hard on me that made an impression and got the most out of me. Those are the ones I'm grateful for, and still thank when I see them.

 

My wife coached my daughter's high school team all summer, and anybody who knows my wife will tell you that she does nothing in a quiet, subtle manner. She yelled, screamed, and got all over these girls anytime they needed it, whether it was practice, the middle of a game, as they were leaving with their parents, or whatever.

 

None of them were scarred, I promise. A few got mad or upset at the time, but to a person, every one of them will tell you that they like her and would play for her again anytime. A couple of them are in my living room talking to her right now. They call and ask advice or just chat. When we were late getting to the holiday tournament in Alabama, they rang the cell phone off the hook trying to make sure we were coming.

 

The point is, they understand that she's just pushing them to do their best, and they love her for it. And they know how much she cares about them. Maybe that is what's missing on your daughter's team.

Edited December 30, 2006 by bucdaddio

[DCHS]

As a longtime old school coach, I usually just read these things but I must speak up about this. Anyone who must resort to name calling, degrading, or just flat out being ugly to players is not much of a coach or a human in my opinion. This is a person without skill or morals. These are young impressionable people who will take this experiance with them the rest of their lives. The word coach itself means to bring out the best in players, to bring talent as far as it will go. Sometimes you have more heart than talent or more talent than heart. A good coaches job is just like a microversion of a good parent's job. That is to help this player become the best they can be by encouraging not degrading a young person.

 

I see coaches who are grown men and women throwing preschool tantrums on the court and verbally abusing young people at games. This must stop. It is a game of strategy, skill, and strength. The bullies need to get out of the game. In my day it was always about the kids. If you can't do your job well enough without abuse you aren't doing your job. Reconsider why you are out there. Parents should and must stand up to these bullies. Administrators should not allow this to happen.

 

Some posts have said life is tough get over it. Violence and abuse happen everyday but should they just stink it up? No. Don't put up with verbal abuse of your children. Report these coaches and hold adminstrators, the TSSAA, and school officials responsible for these things. You are your child's one and only advocate.

 

 

My coaches yelled at me. Called me bad things in the heat of the moment. Most of it was to get their point across to me. I turned out pretty good. You know why? Because my coaches had me for two maybe three hours a day five days a week during the season. My parents had me the rest of the time. They had a much bigger impact on me than my coach did. I do not condone cursing or name calling from a coach. However, when it did happen to me I tried to understand why I made him so mad.

[coachgat]

Best post I have ever made and no one comments on it,tell me do you agree or disagree?

 

It was ok. You could have used a little more imagery. That would have set the tone a little better.

[bballmom10]

Oh for crying out loud

What ever happened to tough love, if you think that the majority of coaches don't care a great deal about their players you are mistaken. So they are hard on them sooo.. what. Do you really run around all day and say " it's o.k. sweetie I'll fix it"? and to be honest these kids use more than their fair share of profanity and or harsh words against their coach, teachers, and each other.

This is a game of structure, disipline, dedication, and hard work. ( Life)

Teach them that at home and high school ball is not a cultural shock.. have you ever heard a college coach talk to their players? if this upsets them or you, good luck with the next level I'm proud mine know the difference in her coach yelling at her because he can.. than because he should. I want 100% from her, I want him to get 100% from her and if it takes him being hard on her then so be it.

I Hate it when parents say good job after a game that was bad, who's doing more harm? the coach that said that stinks or the parents that says good game when it wasn't ?

Again, there is a difference between tough love and degrading, demeaning talk. I can teach my kids about real life just fine without swearing at them or making them feel terrible about themselves. You are right there is a huge amount of profanity in the game. It doesn't make it right, it just makes the offenders sound uneducated. It's also possible to be supportive AND be realistic with your kids. My child is going to play at the next level, but she will do it without feeling the need the bully those that are below her or step on them on the way up. You can call it tough love, I can call it verbal abuse. I expect 100% and am disappointed if we don't get it. Do I need to say "hey you *&^%^ tonight?" Nope, all I have to do is say, "that was disappointing, what are you going to do to fix it?" And let me tell you, it is wayyyyyyyy more effective than any profanity. My children know the real world. They also know about respect and you don't just have the respect because there is a whistle around your neck. You have it because it was earned. Being hard on a child is very different from degrading them. Being the coach and the adult is all that responsible parents want when they entrust their children to the teachers and coaches in this world.

[bigmoney128]

Perhaps we missed the coaches point!!

 

Maybe the child needed to bathe!!!

 

I know thats silly but so is this thread.

 

Your child did not get cursed or abused just told she stunk.

 

Parent please assess your child's performance on the floor that night.

 

Was it subpar? Was it less than her best effort? Was she following her coaches instructions? Was she being a good TEAMmate?

 

After one honestly answers those questions and understands the coaches job depends on the quality of her players performance then you may understand the pressure that comes with coaching.

 

And Yes I have been a high school coach more than 20 years; sometimes " you stink " is the kindest thing I can think of following a poor performance.

[coachgat]

Perhaps we missed the coaches point!!

 

Maybe the child needed to bathe!!!

 

I know thats silly but so is this thread.

 

Your child did not get cursed or abused just told she stunk.

 

Parent please assess your child's performance on the floor that night.

 

Was it subpar? Was it less than her best effort? Was she following her coaches instructions? Was she being a good TEAMmate?

 

After one honestly answers those questions and understands the coaches job depends on the quality of her players performance then you may understand the pressure that comes with coaching.

 

And Yes I have been a high school coach more than 20 years; sometimes " you stink " is the kindest thing I can think of following a poor performance.

 

Well, I told my team that we stunk yesterday after scoring only 14 points at the half. We had more turnovers than we did points. In fact, we were losing 14 to 16. We won 54 to 30. The second half we out scored the team 40 to 14. This is what we normally have in the first half. We work too hard as a team to give that kind of team effort, to have that many miscues back to back. Did that hurt any feelings? I doubt it, did they get a charge and play better? you betcha! Sometimes you have to dig their hearts out for them to show them that it's still there. Some coaches motivate in different ways and that all depends on where you are, what kind of relationship you have with your kids. I'm actually a lot softer on my high school girls than I was when I coached middle school. It's all about what kind of kid you are dealing with and how well the kids know you. I reiterate though, I don't use profanity. Does that make you a bad coach if you do? I don't think so, a lot of top level DI coaches use it like it's going out of style, but they are proven winners too. I don't agree with it but to each his/her own. As far as me using it, I know a lot of other fun words that my college education "learnt" me.