State of the Mountain Address

[barb]

April 24th, Year of our Lord 2012

Encampment, East shores of Chickamauga Lake

 

My Dearest Barbara,

 

The light off Chikamauga Lake reflects the moon on this cool cloudless night. It takes me back in time and I recite aloud a haiku I read as an underclassman studying at West Point.

 

The moon departs

frost falls upon the

morning glory.

Then, as I survey the words from your forked tongue, I find satisfaction with your choice of author, or lack there of, from which you plagiarize your own signature.

 

Any true student of great literature recognizes the signifigance with which such things must be meditated upon and ultimately chosen. A short simple essay, poem or even the stoic death haiku of a Japanese samurai can transcend what the lay man could not say in a lifetime with words ∞.

 

What one must also account for is the Architect of such things. You chose Joseph Rudyard Kipling, or as Orwell properly labeled him, "the prophet of british imperialism." Upon this second consideration, your candidate has been found vastly wanting.

 

This poor excuse of a man's life holds no quarter in the discussion of what is to be a man. Born into privilege only to cowardly explore the parts of Gods Great Creation that the crown's soldiers had already slithered across before him, as to rape and pillage in it's name. By his experiences, birth right and a british passport were the only intangibles as to what beget a man.

 

I can only surmise, by your reference of such a person as Mr. Kipling, that you have sadly lived your entire life in the absence of any worth while examples of men, and only spent a rudimentry amount time amongst even the lowest level of parlor soldiers, at best.

 

Due to this, it finds no man here astonished that you choose to don the childish tin crown of a bona-fide imperialist, whilst chastising another, of your own likeness, that you see on the horizon as the threatening usurper of your own ill gotten gains.

 

Good day,

 

Colonel Enel Ingus[/size][/size]

My dearest Colonel,

Usually the flowery prose from an educated wordsmith would have held my attention, especially that of a West Point man such as yourself. However your use of the unflattering term "plagiarize" has relieved me of the obligation to compliment your supererogatory tretise on the opinion Eric Arthur Blair had of Kipling.(I do find it interesting that you used the words of Orwell, a self-proclaimed Tory-anarchist and democratic socialist.) I believe my signature is a link to a poem that is clearly attributed to Kipling and is no more plagiarism than the quote you attributed to Orwell. Frankly, your pretentious ramblings matter not to the gentry that frequent CoachT and I simply thought the poem contains a timeless message. And you obviously forgot Mr. Orwell's 6 rules for writers...

[MountainTroll]

somebody speak in hillbilly tounge.there's a fifty percent chance i'll know what you're talkin bout!

 

 

I will save my Hillbilly tongue for Colonel Ingus.

[FBfan26]

LMAO...man y'all are crazy

[TCstinger]

I will save my Hillbilly tongue for Colonel Ingus.

[ChampFerguson]

You, sir, are a murderous yellow-bellied scoundrel of the lowest repute. While your Rebel rousing may play well with the secesh graybacks in the valley, I can assure you that your treasonous accusations will not be abided on this Mountain. I will have you know that there are no yankees on the ridge called Walden. The carpetbaggers to which you refer occupy the far mountain called Lookout. Us Mountain folk are firmly entrenched on the high ground and are secure in our station. We remain firmly committed to our General Price, and he to our cause. Your slanderous remarks amount to high treason in these parts, and all attacks by your guerrillas will be vigorously repelled. I advise you and your men to stay far away from the east brow, else you be discovered some months later at the bottom of the escarpment.

 

4/26/12

Hindquarters in the Saddle

Headquarters in the Hat

 

 

Mr. MountainTroll,

 

 

Regarding your latest missive, my ire would be raised if such accusations came from a man of standing, as opposed to a broken down, slanderous homeguard. Your efforts to deflect responsibility onto your brethren in other camps is simply specious. I was dismayed to learn that Sterling Price had defected to the opposing forces, assuming a lying scoundrel such as yourself would ever reveal the truth. If this be fact, he will face court martial, and hanging, should the forces of good ever acquire his person. As for your threats regarding my troops, they revel in the chase of fleeing homeguard. This activity keeps them in condition such that no other physical training is required. Such merriment is a welcome distraction for hard fought and hungry men. In parting, I hope General Price is more faithful to your cause than the previous oath he took. I look forward to a fleeting glimpse of your fleeing back at our next engagement.

 

Until Then, I Remain

Your Obedient Servant,

 

Capt. Ferguson

[BasilDuke]

4/26/12

Hindquarters in the Saddle

Headquarters in the Hat

 

 

Mr. MountainTroll,

 

 

Regarding your latest missive, my ire would be raised if such accusations came from a man of standing, as opposed to a broken down, slanderous homeguard. Your efforts to deflect responsibility onto your brethren in other camps is simply specious. I was dismayed to learn that Sterling Price had defected to the opposing forces, assuming a lying scoundrel such as yourself would ever reveal the truth. If this be fact, he will face court martial, and hanging, should the forces of good ever acquire his person. As for your threats regarding my troops, they revel in the chase of fleeing homeguard. This activity keeps them in condition such that no other physical training is required. Such merriment is a welcome distraction for hard fought and hungry men. In parting, I hope General Price is more faithful to your cause than the previous oath he took. I look forward to a fleeting glimpse of your fleeing back at our next engagement.

 

Until Then, I Remain

Your Obedient Servant,

 

Capt. Ferguson

 

 

Hey Champ, I rode with some of your boys on a scout through that country once and must add that those Signal women met us with baked goods and sweets. As we were in a big hurry, we were too pressed for time to ravish the women. That was the most danger we ever faced in that quarter, and had to retreat precipitately. When in that area, always be sure to budget enough time to properly ravish those women. The safety of your men demanding it.

[ColonelIngus]

My dearest Colonel,

Usually the flowery prose from an educated wordsmith would have held my attention, especially that of a West Point man such as yourself. However your use of the unflattering term "plagiarize" has relieved me of the obligation to compliment your supererogatory tretise on the opinion Eric Arthur Blair had of Kipling.(I do find it interesting that you used the words of Orwell, a self-proclaimed Tory-anarchist and democratic socialist.) I believe my signature is a link to a poem that is clearly attributed to Kipling and is no more plagiarism than the quote you attributed to Orwell. Frankly, your pretentious ramblings matter not to the gentry that frequent CoachT and I simply thought the poem contains a timeless message. And you obviously forgot Mr. Orwell's 6 rules for writers...

April 26th, Year of our Lord 2012

Encampment, Moccasin Bend

 

My Dearest Barbara,

 

 

I find great respite in your most recent correspondence. Although, upon studying your previous thoughts, I would have beseeched you to have been more fastidious in the occupation of your own time, as well as my own, when transcribing your loosely contructed thoughts.

 

The lion's share of your thoughts, as common with others afflicted with your gender, were useless filling.

 

Despite this hindrance I find satisfaction that you were able to eloquently surmise your positions, whether by true intent or accident, with the simple phrase, "... I simply thought..."

 

Good Day,

 

Colonel Enes Ingus

 

 

post script; I would have you assign a tutor, specifically one versed in catering to a mind demented, to instruct the elderly man from Giles on the multiple definitions of words and how a negative connotation serves to denote said things. As his comprehension has proven itself more encumbered than even I had previously thought.

 

Also, the afore mentioned subject has a distaste for the french, despite the fact that it was they who assisted our emancipation from the British crown. I can only postulate this is rooted in his earliest experiences of spending his childhood fatherless in the parlor of a borrdelo.

 

I apologize for the burden, but as you well know, the Good Lord beseeches us to imbibe in the care of those less fortunate souls than ourselves.

Edited April 26, 2012 by ColonelIngus

[MountainTroll]

4/26/12

Hindquarters in the Saddle

Headquarters in the Hat

 

 

Mr. MountainTroll,

 

 

Regarding your latest missive, my ire would be raised if such accusations came from a man of standing, as opposed to a broken down, slanderous homeguard. Your efforts to deflect responsibility onto your brethren in other camps is simply specious. I was dismayed to learn that Sterling Price had defected to the opposing forces, assuming a lying scoundrel such as yourself would ever reveal the truth. If this be fact, he will face court martial, and hanging, should the forces of good ever acquire his person. As for your threats regarding my troops, they revel in the chase of fleeing homeguard. This activity keeps them in condition such that no other physical training is required. Such merriment is a welcome distraction for hard fought and hungry men. In parting, I hope General Price is more faithful to your cause than the previous oath he took. I look forward to a fleeting glimpse of your fleeing back at our next engagement.

 

Until Then, I Remain

Your Obedient Servant,

 

Capt. Ferguson

 

 

Report of your perverse proclivities proceeds you, Mister Ferguson, so you can be certain that I shall not reveal my backside to you or any of your guerillas.

 

I have hear'd rumors, however, of a wise old man in Pulaski, TN who would welcome your advance.

Edited April 26, 2012 by MountainTroll

[ChampFerguson]

Report of your perverse proclivities proceeds you, Mister Ferguson, so you can be certain that I shall not reveal my backside to you or any of your guerillas.

 

I have hear'd rumors, however, of a wise old man in Pulaski, TN who would welcome your advance.

 

4/26/12 pm

Hindquarters in the Saddle

Headquarters in the Hat

 

 

Mr. MountainTroll,

 

I again offer my apologies for the confusion at our last engagement, but you must take partial responsibility. The advantage of not getting shot at must be weighed against the possibility of misidentification in the aftermath of such heated battles. In defense of the honor of my men, I must remind you that they reported you put up but feeble resistance. I must also compliment you, that is a lovely dress. In closing, I hope you can put this behind you.

 

 

 

Your Obedient Servant,

 

Capt. Ferguson

Edited April 26, 2012 by ChampFerguson

[barb]

April 26th, Year of our Lord 2012

Encampment, Moccasin Bend

 

My Dearest Barbara,

 

 

I find great respite in your most recent correspondence. Although, upon studying your previous thoughts, I would have beseeched you to have been more fastidious in the occupation of your own time, as well as my own, when transcribing your loosely contructed thoughts.

 

The lion's share of your thoughts, as common with others afflicted with your gender, were useless filling.

 

Despite this hindrance I find satisfaction that you were able to eloquently surmise your positions, whether by true intent or accident, with the simple phrase, "... I simply thought..."

 

Good Day,

 

Colonel Enes Ingus

 

 

post script; I would have you assign a tutor, specifically one versed in catering to a mind demented, to instruct the elderly man from Giles on the multiple definitions of words and how a negative connotation serves to denote said things. As his comprehension has proven itself more encumbered than even I had previously thought.

 

Also, the afore mentioned subject has a distaste for the french, despite the fact that it was they who assisted our emancipation from the British crown. I can only postulate this is rooted in his earliest experiences of spending his childhood fatherless in the parlor of a borrdelo.

 

I apologize for the burden, but as you well know, the Good Lord beseeches us to imbibe in the care of those less fortunate souls than ourselves.

 

My dear friend,

I beg your indulgence, Colonel dear, but domestic matters tend to obviate the constitution of social correspondence. Perhaps if you tend to matters of more import than the unlettered dispatch of a tedious female, matters on the mountain might come to a more favorable conclusion.

I bid you peace,

Barb