Parents should stay out of the game

[bigAsports]

Jimmy Jones: Parents should stay out of the game

Friday, October 8, 2010

 

JIMMY JONES ~ jjones@t-g.com

 

These are turbulent times for coaches at all levels.

It's not because of lack of talent to choose from or because sports have not evolved into a healthy competitive balance brought about by advances in technology and just good old hard work, but because they find themselves under assault by a small percentage of seemingly well-intentioned parents who don't understand the difference between involvement and interference.

 

The parents find it very easy to point fingers. More often than not, they're pointed in the wrong direction.

 

They may have the best interests of their child in mind, and that's fine. But when they lose sight of the fact that coaches have to have the best interest of the whole team in mind when they make out a lineup, it becomes a classic example of the few ruining it for the majority.

 

Bedford County is not immune. In fact, the issue appears to be festering into epidemic proportions. School administrators had better get in front of it sooner rather than later.

 

Recently I observed a coach, whose team had won a soccer match by one goal with a crosstown rival, become surrounded by a group of parents who came across the field before he could even dismiss his team.

 

Were they there to congratulate him on a breathtaking team win over a veteran team with a squad full of freshman and sophomores? Negative. The session very quickly turned into a major gripe session with each set of parents whining about their child not getting enough playing time during the match, oblivious of the example they were setting for the players still milling about within hearing distance.

 

This same coaching staff has received texts during the games asking why so-and-so isn't playing!!!

 

It's the kind of over-the-top behavior that's increasingly common -- parents running on the field screaming at the coaches, loudly questioning game strategy during games, pulling their kids off the sidelines for one-on-one sessions while the staff has their backs turned, and serving roasted coach every night at the supper table.

 

One of my favorite people on earth -- and as good a baseball coach at any level you'd ever want to meet -- told me that he forgot to leave his cell phone in his truck during a middle school game this year and it began vibrating while he was coaching third base. He glanced at the Caller ID and noticed that it was a parent of a player and thought that there must be some kind of emergency so he stepped over between innings and answered the call.

 

Guess what?

 

Needless to say, that conversation was ended very abruptly.

 

I could relay numerous other instances but you get the point. It epitomizes the tenuous and often times stormy relationship that exists between coaches and team parents. It has redefined the role of coaching and not for the better.

 

It happens when well-intentioned parents let their protective instincts for their children overwhelm their good judgment. It's perpetuated when the coaches don't receive the backing they need from school administrators to deal with the problem in a convincing fashion when they become disruptive.

 

Number one on that enforcement list should be that playing time will not be discussed under any circumstance with parents. That is a matter between the player and the coach. Parents who enter the playing field uninvited, or utilize the extremely dubious method of spreading unsubstantiated rumors and innuendos to smear the coach in an effort to garner support, should be banned for the year.

 

Mom and dad have to realize that it becomes a big distraction for the whole team and teaches that 'me first is okay' and undermines team cohesiveness and discipline when they decide that they know more than the coaches.

 

That sense of entitlement is threatening to overwhelm sports. Parents aren't just questioning the coaches; they are demanding their heads on a platter and in at least one notable instance in our county we empowered them by allowing it to happen!!

 

If we don't stomp this out now starting lineups will be determined by the parents who have the most clout or put up the most fuss.

 

Coaching is a high-pressured job. Whether the pressure to win is coming from the school, the community, or whether it is self-induced by their own expectations doesn't lessen its effect.

 

The average pay is about $4,000 per season for a high school coach. Their average workweek is 25-35 hours on coaching duties after their teaching obligations. Who can blame them if they decide that listening to unrealistic parents isn't worth that whopping $1 an hour that they are making and simply walk away?

 

If you want to coach, go get your degree and apply!! At this rate there will be plenty of openings. Otherwise, let the people who did work their way into the position do their jobs.

 

Better yet, show some appreciation that there are those who choose to work with our youth for such menial pay.

 

Parents who really wish to be a positive factor in their child's athletic experience would be best served making sure their child does his or her part. Help reinforce that the team is the top priority and personal goals come second. Playing time is a reward for working hard. It is earned, not entitled.

 

And perhaps most important of all let's remember that parents, not coaches, set the standard for their child's behavior. Great athletes are made in backyards because they hone their skills when no one else is looking.

 

It starts and ends at home, folks. Take a hard look at what you have done to advance your child's chance at being a success. How much time did you spend working with your athlete on the playing field, the backyard, or in the gym this week?

 

How do you want your children to remember your contribution?

 

Will you be the parent who makes your young athletes' ride home worse than even the most devastating loss after a game?

 

Or will you be the parent that makes your child accountable for their decisions and help teach them that in life they will be judged by their actions and that hard work, discipline, and accountability have their own rewards.

 

Either way, just remember that next in life they get a boss.

 

© Copyright 2010 Shelbyville Times-Gazette. All rights reserved.

[ksgovols]

This should be required reading when you're signing the paperwork for your child to play. I think alot of this stuff is eliminated when you have a written contract between the player/parents and the coach. The coach lays out the ground rules and then follows up on them. The administration approves the contract in advance. When there's a breech, the consequences are swift and just. Communication is the key to life.

[Frogman]

Awesome post! There are a few parents at Lenoir City should be made to read and read again this post. We lost a coach due to parents and will loose another this year.

[jimbo44]

Jimmy Jones: Parents should stay out of the game

Friday, October 8, 2010

 

JIMMY JONES ~ jjones@t-g.com

 

These are turbulent times for coaches at all levels.

It's not because of lack of talent to choose from or because sports have not evolved into a healthy competitive balance brought about by advances in technology and just good old hard work, but because they find themselves under assault by a small percentage of seemingly well-intentioned parents who don't understand the difference between involvement and interference.

 

The parents find it very easy to point fingers. More often than not, they're pointed in the wrong direction.

 

They may have the best interests of their child in mind, and that's fine. But when they lose sight of the fact that coaches have to have the best interest of the whole team in mind when they make out a lineup, it becomes a classic example of the few ruining it for the majority.

 

Bedford County is not immune. In fact, the issue appears to be festering into epidemic proportions. School administrators had better get in front of it sooner rather than later.

 

Recently I observed a coach, whose team had won a soccer match by one goal with a crosstown rival, become surrounded by a group of parents who came across the field before he could even dismiss his team.

 

Were they there to congratulate him on a breathtaking team win over a veteran team with a squad full of freshman and sophomores? Negative. The session very quickly turned into a major gripe session with each set of parents whining about their child not getting enough playing time during the match, oblivious of the example they were setting for the players still milling about within hearing distance.

 

This same coaching staff has received texts during the games asking why so-and-so isn't playing!!!

 

It's the kind of over-the-top behavior that's increasingly common -- parents running on the field screaming at the coaches, loudly questioning game strategy during games, pulling their kids off the sidelines for one-on-one sessions while the staff has their backs turned, and serving roasted coach every night at the supper table.

 

One of my favorite people on earth -- and as good a baseball coach at any level you'd ever want to meet -- told me that he forgot to leave his cell phone in his truck during a middle school game this year and it began vibrating while he was coaching third base. He glanced at the Caller ID and noticed that it was a parent of a player and thought that there must be some kind of emergency so he stepped over between innings and answered the call.

 

Guess what?

 

Needless to say, that conversation was ended very abruptly.

 

I could relay numerous other instances but you get the point. It epitomizes the tenuous and often times stormy relationship that exists between coaches and team parents. It has redefined the role of coaching and not for the better.

 

It happens when well-intentioned parents let their protective instincts for their children overwhelm their good judgment. It's perpetuated when the coaches don't receive the backing they need from school administrators to deal with the problem in a convincing fashion when they become disruptive.

 

Number one on that enforcement list should be that playing time will not be discussed under any circumstance with parents. That is a matter between the player and the coach. Parents who enter the playing field uninvited, or utilize the extremely dubious method of spreading unsubstantiated rumors and innuendos to smear the coach in an effort to garner support, should be banned for the year.

 

Mom and dad have to realize that it becomes a big distraction for the whole team and teaches that 'me first is okay' and undermines team cohesiveness and discipline when they decide that they know more than the coaches.

 

That sense of entitlement is threatening to overwhelm sports. Parents aren't just questioning the coaches; they are demanding their heads on a platter and in at least one notable instance in our county we empowered them by allowing it to happen!!

 

If we don't stomp this out now starting lineups will be determined by the parents who have the most clout or put up the most fuss.

 

Coaching is a high-pressured job. Whether the pressure to win is coming from the school, the community, or whether it is self-induced by their own expectations doesn't lessen its effect.

 

The average pay is about $4,000 per season for a high school coach. Their average workweek is 25-35 hours on coaching duties after their teaching obligations. Who can blame them if they decide that listening to unrealistic parents isn't worth that whopping $1 an hour that they are making and simply walk away?

 

If you want to coach, go get your degree and apply!! At this rate there will be plenty of openings. Otherwise, let the people who did work their way into the position do their jobs.

 

Better yet, show some appreciation that there are those who choose to work with our youth for such menial pay.

 

Parents who really wish to be a positive factor in their child's athletic experience would be best served making sure their child does his or her part. Help reinforce that the team is the top priority and personal goals come second. Playing time is a reward for working hard. It is earned, not entitled.

 

And perhaps most important of all let's remember that parents, not coaches, set the standard for their child's behavior. Great athletes are made in backyards because they hone their skills when no one else is looking.

 

It starts and ends at home, folks. Take a hard look at what you have done to advance your child's chance at being a success. How much time did you spend working with your athlete on the playing field, the backyard, or in the gym this week?

 

How do you want your children to remember your contribution?

 

Will you be the parent who makes your young athletes' ride home worse than even the most devastating loss after a game?

 

Or will you be the parent that makes your child accountable for their decisions and help teach them that in life they will be judged by their actions and that hard work, discipline, and accountability have their own rewards.

 

Either way, just remember that next in life they get a boss.

 

© Copyright 2010 Shelbyville Times-Gazette. All rights reserved.

Amen to that.

Closed practices are becoming the norm. I don't blame the coaches.

Closed sessions eleminate distractions.

[jimbo44]

Amen to that.

Closed practices are becoming the norm. I don't blame the coaches.

Closed sessions eleminate distractions.

Coaches are teachers of the game, no mater what the game is.

The court or the field is the class room. Give the coaches space to teach.

[BBALLTN]

LC, certainly has a problem with to many Parent/Coaches.Wright will fix this if they will leave him alone long enough.

[rcpatriot]

If the administration doesn't have enough backbone to support a coach, parents will continue to run the show. More and more coaches are leaving the profession, not due to mommy and daddys, but due to administrators not standing up for the coach. Wayyyyy to much politics.

[PIONEERS12]

I'm sure this problem exists in every school in the country, some more than others. It's a shame that parents cannot let the coach do their job and respect them. It is no different in the classroom, if little Johnny gets in trouble, the parents think it is the teacher fault. Because, Johnny never makes a mistake or needs to be disciplined. This is a major problem with our society today and looks to continually get worse.

[senator]

This is often esculated by coaches with weak dislipline or backbone; let the parent know your not going to put up with outside interuptions and these problems are almost non existant. The more sucessful coaches tolerate very little of this type thing.Some people will go as far as their allowed and most of time the student wishes they would stop because most parents believe their child is better than they are at doing certain things.The coach often looks at team concept and what gives his team best chance for success.

[starwars99]

This was said very well. Many parents try to have a good spirit about these kinds of things, but in the end they are just rude and make fools of themselves. Believe it or not the coaches know what is what and how to do it that's why they are the coaches! I think most teams have a problem with the parents stiring things up. It does not only have an effect on the coach but your child has to listen to it, and the team struggles as a whole when they should be coming to together.

[killentime]

There are some good thoughts on this thread. Let me add some food for thought. I have been involved in TN high school basketball for a looong time. Yes things have changed a great deal. Are all coaches out there good? NO! Believe it or not..all coaches are not there because they DESIRE to be coaches they just need the supplemental income! (Yes it is true!!)

 

Why are parents so involved and willing to stick there noses into the JOBS of coaches. Simple...they have more invested than the coach. Think about those GOOD OLD DAYS when coaches actually developed players. Now coaches simply DO WHAT THEY DO. They implement their system no matter what talent they have. Why is this. I submit it is because they are not allowed the time to develop players. The TSSAA has limited the coaches contact with players to the point that they can hardly prepare them for a game. Look at schedules now. Teams begin practice on Nov. 1st and most have scrimages on the 6th; playdays on the 13th, and games begin on the 16th. Once the season starts there is no time for developing a player. I have always bought in to the opinion that players a made in the summer and perform in the winter!! (read some of the work of Wooden, Smith, Donovan, Williams, Self, and K) Once the season is over TSSAA requires a dead period and then what 10 or 15 days to practice in the spring!! That is why parents get so into their children. The parents now spend the summer finding ways to improve their student athelete (camps, clinics, trainers, travel teams) while the HS coach does NOTHING thanks to the TSSAA.

 

I believe that is why now there are so many coaches that lack the ability to actually COACH.

Edited October 26, 2010 by killentime

[CoffeeBreak]

There are some good thoughts on this thread. Let me add some food for thought. I have been involved in TN high school basketball for a looong time. Yes things have changed a great deal. Are all coaches out there good? NO! Believe it or not..all coaches are not there because they DESIRE to be coaches they just need the supplemental income! (Yes it is true!!)

 

Why are parents so involved and willing to stick there noses into the JOBS of coaches. Simple...they have more invested than the coach. Think about those GOOD OLD DAYS when coaches actually developed players. Now coaches simply DO WHAT THEY DO. They implement their system no matter what talent they have. Why is this. I submit it is because they are not allowed the time to develop players. The TSSAA has limited the coaches contact with players to the point that they can hardly prepare them for a game. Look at schedules now. Teams begin practice on Nov. 1st and most have scrimages on the 6th; playdays on the 13th, and games begin on the 16th. Once the season starts there is no time for developing a player. I have always bought in to the opinion that players a made in the summer and perform in the winter!! (read some of the work of Wooden, Smith, Donovan, Williams, Self, and K) Once the season is over TSSAA requires a dead period and then what 10 or 15 days to practice in the spring!! That is why parents get so into their children. The parents now spend the summer finding ways to improve their student athelete (camps, clinics, trainers, travel teams) while the HS coach does NOTHING thanks to the TSSAA.

 

I believe that is why now there are so many coaches that lack the ability to actually COACH.

 

Lot's of truth here...